Dear Theodosia: blow us all away (philidosia)

20: Moonlight

Theodosia stares down at the baby. Her baby. A few hours ago Theodosia could feel her moving about in her stomach. Happy and fluttering and alive. Now she's dead. The lifeless form is wrapped up in a blanket. As if the baby might be cold.

She's so small. Just slightly bigger than an apple. Theodosia runs her hand over her stomach, which was just starting to show.

Theo kneels down and pulls the baby into her arms. She's so small. Theodosia's daughter is the size of an apple, but she has many of the same features as a normal baby. Theodosia wasn't sure what the baby would look like, but this definitely wasn't it. She has little ears and fingers and toes. She almost looks like a miniature version of a normal baby, except for a few key differences. Her skin is an ashy gray color and freezing cold to the touch. The baby is still and it's limbs bend at odd angles. The more Theodosia stares at it, the more frightened she becomes. This is not her child. She drops it onto the floor. This is some strange creature that has taken Theodosia's daughter away.

As Theodosia turns away from the creature on the floor, she knows she must be right. She has to be right because she can feel her baby again. Her stomach is fluttering again. Theo just got a monster away from her child and now it's alive again. Moving again. Surviving again.

Theo collapses onto the floor and starts sobbing. She's crying tears of relief. Her baby is safe.

A moment later someone knocks gently on the door. Theo doesn't say anything and the person quietly makes their way into the room.

Theodosia hears a muffled cry at the sight of the dead creature on the floor. She whirls around to see Philip standing over it. At the sight of Philip, she begins to cry harder.

He rushes over to her and pulls her into his arms.

"Hey, are you okay?" he whispers into her hair.

Theodosia tries to speak, to tell him that she is okay, that their baby is safe now, but she can't. She's crying too hard to speak.

Philip misinterprets her tears and hugs her tighter, petting her hair.

"Don't worry it will be okay," he says soothingly.

She wants to tell him that it already is okay, but when she opens her mouth, no words come out, only hiccupy sobby noises. Theodosia wonders why she is crying so much. Probably because she is relieved that her baby is safe from that horrible monster over there on the floor.

She buries her face in Philip's shoulder and cries.

Philip talks to her for a while then a few hours later, she falls asleep leaning on him.

When Theodosia wakes up she's in a bed. Philip is next to her in the bed, his arm slung over his eyes. Theo stares at his beautiful face for a moment, admiring him. The rays of moonlight illuminate the tan color of his skin, making his freckles stand out. Theodosia admires his beautiful cheekbones, the light blush spreading across them. She kicks her feet out of bed and tiptoes across the room. The baby flutters in her stomach.

Theodosia slips into the hall. Moonlight filters into the hallway causing dust motes to dance in the air. Theo holds her hand out, letting the moonlight dance between her fingers. She can hear someone playing piano in a room near her.

Theodosia spins her body around, letting the music fill her up. She closes her eyes and lets her hands fly out to her sides. She can feel her feet moving to the melody.

When the song is finished, Theo stops dancing. She opens her eyes, allowing reality to flood back to her.

Theodosia creeps forward and quietly opens the door to the room where the music was coming from. Theodosia sees Angelica sitting at the piano. The tears on her cheeks glow in the moonlight. Angie's whole body is glowing. She's beautiful.

Theodosia quietly walks into the room as Angelica starts another song.

When the song is finished, Angie looks up at Theodosia.

"Are you real?" she whispers.

Philip told Theo about what happened to Angie last night. Theodosia is really worried about her. She can see all the scratch marks on her arms. They practically glow in the moonlight.

Theodosia walks over to Angie. She opens her mouth to tell her she's real, but no words come out. The words are still stuck. She can fill them filling up her throat, choking her. They won't come out though.

Since her words aren't working, Theo takes Angie's hand.

Angelica looks up at her with wide eyes.

"You know, you're one of the only people that make me feel safe right now?"

Theodosia opens her mouth again, then shuts it a moment later. She feels words building up again. Theodosia wants to tell Angelica how much she means to her, but the right words won't come.

Theodosia suddenly gets a strong feeling. A way to express her words. How much Angelica means to her.

She moves Angelica's hand up to her cheek and rests it there, swallowing past the lump her throat. Theo keeps one hand on Angelica's hand and moves the other one down to her waist. She takes a step closer to the girl.

Angelica moves closer to Theodosia, her breathing becoming fast and shallow. Angelica places her hand on Theodosia's chest, her heart is beating fast.

Both girls lean in at the same time. Their noses are pressed together now, their breaths mingling. 

Theodosia closes her eyes and leans in, gently pressing her lips against Angelica's. Her eyelashes flutter and Angie sighs.

Angie leans into the kiss and moves her hand down from Theo's heart to her waist.

Angelica's lips are soft and smooth. Their mouths fall together, opening gently. Angelica tastes sweet. Like oranges. Theo wraps her arms around her neck, kissing her deeper.

Theodosia's whole body is thrumming with electricity. She feels good and happy. Theo moves closer to Angelica. Their bodies are pressed together now. Theodosia breathes Angelica in and, kissing her deeper, opens her eyes.

Suddenly she crashing into Angie's eyes. They're bright green and piercing. They're deep. They suck Theodosia in. They're beautiful and familiar.

They're Philip's eyes.

Theodosia suddenly pulls away and stumbles backwards with a gasp.

What has she done? What was that? And did she like it?

Theodosia runs out of that moonlit room. She runs back to her bedroom and pauses in the doorway. Philip is still fast asleep.

Theodosia makes a decision. That thing with Angelica never happened. She loves Philip. She's in love with Philip. He's her fiance and the father of her child. And Angelica is a woman. That doesn't make any sense. How could she like kissing a woman? She's read all those papers about women who were in love with other women. Things did not end well for them. And Mr. Hamilton. That pamphlet was published about him, detailing his romantic relationship with another man. Since then, he's hardly been able to leave the house without facing scorn.

Besides Theodosia is in love with Philip. How could she leave that boy? Theodosia gazes at his sweet sleeping face and makes up her mind.

"That boy is mine," she whispers, "and I'm never letting him go."

She rests her hand on her stomach feeling the butterflies again.