Dear Theodosia: blow us all away (philidosia)

22: Flames

T/W: minimal self harm and suicidal thoughts

Theodosia slowly comes awake. She's alone in the bedroom. She climbs out of bed and goes over to the dresser. It's filled with old gowns and dresses. Theo pulls out a light pink gown that she recognizes as Philip's Aunt Angelica's old dress.

Theo goes behind the changing screen and quickly changes into the gown. She then throws her hair into a bun and walks out from behind the screen.

Angelica is sitting on the bed, looking down at her lap and fiddling with a ribbon on her dress. She looks up when she hears Theo's footsteps. As their eyes meet, Angie's cheeks flood with color and Theo can feel hers heating up as well.

"So, um... I can't really tell what is real and what's not real anymore..."

Theodosia nods at Angie.

"Did we kiss last night?" Angelica blurts out.

Theodosia looks away from her, her cheeks burning. After a moment she turns back to Angie and nods. A few of her curls have fallen in her face and now she can only half see Angelica.

"Well... umm..." Angie's face is bright red and she's struggling with her words, "Did umm... did it mean anything to you?"

Theodosia has so much to say to Angelica, but the words won't come out. She wants to tell her that the kiss meant so much to her, but they could never happen. She wants to tell her all the reasons they wouldn't work, but she can't. Theo opens and closes her mouth a few times, struggling to push words out, but they won't come.

Angie is watching her and Theo can see how hard she's trying not to cry. Theodosia crosses the room to her and takes her hands.

Angelica turns her head away and wipes her eyes on her sleeve, then turns back to Theodosia.

"I like your dress," Angelica says, admiring the beautiful dress Theodosia is wearing. She hesitates for a moment, "you look really pretty."

Theodosia blushes and looks away from Angie. When her face feels less hot, she turns back to Angelica. Theodosia notices that Angelica has moved closer to her. Their faces are now inches apart. She widens her eyes in surprise.

Theodosia's heart is saying two different things and her head is saying what a bad idea this is, but Theodosia ignores it. She takes her hand and gently cups Angelica's cheek.

Angie's face is burning and she starts talking really fast. She's saying stuff like how she's sorry and how they shouldn't have kissed, but Theo cuts her off. Theodosia isn't sure why she does it, but she kisses Angelica. Angie's eyes widen in surprise and for a moment she doesn't kiss Theo back, but then she melts into the kiss.

Angelica's eyes flutter shut and she wraps her arms around Theodosia's neck. Theodosia's hands are hopelessly tangled in Angelica's hair and she's kissing her like the world is ending.

Angie climbs up onto Theodosia's lap and Theo falls backwards onto her elbows. This is different than when she kisses Philip. When Theodosia kisses Philip everything feels right and warm and fuzzy, but when she kisses Angelica it feels electric. It feels like Theodosia's whole body is engulfed in flames, but in a good way.

Theo's hands are still hopelessly tangled in Angelica's hair. She has so much hair. Long, dark, wavy hair. She's lying down now and Angie is holding onto her face, kissing her.

Theodosia closes her eyes and lets her fingers roam through Angelica's hair. Any moment now, Theodosia is going to burst into flames. Literal flames. She already feels like she's on fire. Maybe she is. She can't tell. She can't feel anything besides Angelica's lips and her hands on her.