May and Kaifar (REWRITING)

22

         And I do, I tell him everything.

     Okay not everything, but I tell him things I won't normally tell anyone.

    I tell him about how at a point all I felt was anger, about how that anger turned me into a monster.

     How I let the anger drive me into doing lots of things I regret like bullying a girl so much till she tried to take her own life simply because she looked at me in a way I didn't like.

         About how later when I realised what I had done I'd inflict the same injuries on myself, about the robberies, the stupid pranks I played on people.

     I told him about the group of friends that I had, the only people I felt could understand me, but how most times I felt alone.

        I showed him the cuts, told him about my haphephobia, about how I felt spiders crawling under my skin whenever any male other than Morris and over the age of ten touched me.

        I told him about my demons, and how they keep haunting me, I tell him about my dark shadows.

        I told him about all the things I've done that I regret, how my parents spent money to clear my criminal record and how I've felt lost for quite a long time.

       And in turn he told me about himself, about how he always feels like his parents are waiting for him to mess up.

        About how at age fifteen he made the worst mistake of his life, about how he feels constrained by the rules of his religion and parents.

     He tells me about a certain promises he wished he hadn't made to a certain girl, he doesn't say what promise he made, he simply says he regrets it.

      He tells me about his fear of becoming another disgrace to his family, about how he wants to write but can't because it doesn't fit the plan his parents made for him.

         He talks about his dark days when he feels he can't take it anymore and about how he felt when he had to treat Miriam's cuts are draw tattoo's over the healed scars.

And  finally there is nothing to say between us.

     We've shown each other parts of ourselves that nobody really knows and now that we've done so it's left to answer the question that neither of us want to.

       What happens now? There was no physical intimacy but there might as well have been based on the awkward silence.

       "So.." we both begin but we both keep quiet, "You first." He says and I shrug "Never mind.." I say and he sighs.

        "And just like that we were over." He says sighing as he looks up.

       "There was never a we." I say and he groans, "This May is your problem." He says and I glare "Pray tell which problem it is that you're talking about for I have a lot " I retort.

        "Do you have a problem with peace?" He asks and I glare at him "And what is that supposed to mean?" I snap and he shrugs " It's like you hate it when things are peaceful or something." He says and I scoff.

         "There goes the pot calling the kettle black." I mutter and he folds his arms "I have no problem being peaceful, question is do you.?" He says and I glare "No I do not." I answer teresly and he smiles "Then be peaceful." He says.

        "Here have a candy bar." I say picking one and handing it to him "I'm not sure I should accept that." He says and I raise a brow.

          "Why not?" I ask and he frowns "Because anytime I collected anything from you, I ended up either in the nurses office or spend hours in the toilet." He says and I glare.

     "You've never accepted anything from me." I state in those matter of fact tone and he gives an exaggerated sigh "Did I fail to add whether directly or indirectly?" He says.

          "So you're indirectly saying that I'm trying to poison you right?" I say and he shrugs "You said it yourself cupcake." He says and I remain silent.

        "You can't exactly blame me if I think like that?" He says and I shrug still saying nothing.

       "May?" He calls out after minutes of  silence, "What?" I snap and he raises his hand "Don't bite my head off cupcake, I'm just making sure that you're still awake." He says and I turn to face him.

           "What the heck are you getting at Kaifar? I don't understand, first you act kind of nice and you're back to whatever it is we're calling this." I say and he exhales tapping out his cigarette.

         "I don't know." He answers taking the candy bar and unwrapping it.

     There's more silence..

       "Just so you know, if I was going to try and kill you it'll be a hit and run." I say.