Beyond That

Chapter 73, "Why me?"

Later that night....

Jonah, Z'Jack and I are in my room just sitting, well I am. ZJ is running around the room screaming and throwing things while I'm sitting on the ground trying to calm him. He won't even go to Jonah at this point and we both know why..

"Da Da!" he screamed.

"Z'Jack stop" I cried.

"I want da da," he stomped.

"I know baby, I know," I sighed.

"Ahhh," he screamed. "Da Da, da da, da da."

I picked him up and rocked him in my arms until he settled down. It's crazy how he has Zayn's temper but he's never been away from Zayn this long so I understand his confusion and anger.

"It'll be okay baby," I rocked.

"Da da," he mumbled, drifting off.

"It'll be okay," I promised, fighting back my tears.

Z'Jack finally went to sleep in my arms and when he did I placed him in his crib and covered him up. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How will ZJ be okay with all of this. He's just a fucking baby, he doesn't deserve this.

"Jonah I-"

"I know, c'mere," he said, holding out his arms. I quickly fell into him and cried into his chest.

"What am I going to do?"

"I don't know, but I'll be here. You and Jayda will be okay baby. You obviously have your kids to focus on so do that first and then everything else will fall into place. It's going to be hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel and if there isn't then I will make some."

I nodded and continued to hold him tight. I don't ever think my heart ached so much and I want so badly to pick up the phone and call Zayn. Maybe it's for Z'Jack or maybe it's for me, I don't know. All I know is that I feel safe in Jonah's arms and I believe him.

This isn't the end of the world, it's just the start of a new chapter I didn't think I'd be reading in the book. Maybe we all need this decompression, maybe we'll all come out stronger in the end. I just know Jayda's hurting badly and I can't do anything to make it better. But I do know that her, my son, my nieces and my nephew will be okay. It'll all be okay, no doubt.

It'll be okay..

*Phone dings..

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and my eyes widened at the name.

From: Z'Jack Daddy

Zayn: This is a dick move for me to say all this over text but I know you might not want to see me so here goes nothing..

Zayn: Kara I'm sorry, sorry for everything. In the beginning everything was perfect and it was young love so of course we got everything we wanted. Then we got in a relationship and went through some shit.. I'm sorry for the yelling, the fighting, the abuse, everything. I never looked back on how losing our first child could've took a huge tole on you and I'm sorry because that's when things really changed. You are a amazing person, and it's all my fault for not realizing that. Once I got it in my head that you'd always be there for me, I didn't care anymore because I knew no matter what you'd stay. I understand that I've lost you for real this time and I don't blame you for finally leaving, but then there's Z'Jack. We love him too much to let our shit get in the way.

Me: Yep. Why say all this now? I've literally been waiting to hear this for the longest my guy...

Zayn: I'm sorry. It just really fucking hurts knowing you're really gone so I had to say what's on my mind just in case something happens to me...