Chapter 48

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Rafiki

The world seems to revolve around me. My head feels light and the pain seems to be in the background for a moment. It almost feels like I am floating. I cannot remember when and why I arrived here. It's a strange sensation to see the world spin, almost addictive even. I have been staring at the ceiling the whole time and I am unaware of the events and people around me.

'Come Noa'. A familiar voice, that I link to Chea after a few seconds, echoes through the room. I lift my head slightly and see Chea and Noa leaving the room. My gaze moves slightly to the right and ends at Celeste. 'Is the twisting starting to stop already?'. Celeste has a small smile on her face. I want to shake my head which doesn't exactly help against the spinning world. 'No.' It comes out very slowly.

Celeste runs her fingers over my wrist. I try to focus on the pain coming in from my wrist. It's a different pain than normal, more like a wound. As soon as I can focus my eyes better I see my blanket covered in blood. Slightly startled I look at Celeste. 'Sorry', She mumbles a little and in her eyes I see guilt. She smiles slightly. 'What happened?'. My question is soft and barely audible.

'That's what I was going to ask you. You disappeared a fortnight ago and were nowhere to be found. Noa and I found you unconscious in a cave, deep in the Andes'. Thousands of questions go through my head. Only then does Riviri appear in my memories. I shoot up and immediately it goes black before my eyes. 'Take it easy'. She holds me by the arm. Slowly the blackness disappears before my eyes. 'Where is Riviri?'

Celeste brings a small smile to her face. 'In the stables'. For a moment I don't realise what she is saying. Riviri in the stables? That means everyone can see him. I reach for my neck and, to my relief, feel the chain hanging. Thousands of questions go through my head. I can't remember what happened last week.

It feels like I've been in a coma. I don't remember how I got into that cave. I don't remember why I left. I don't remember anything at all. The feeling of ignorance frightens me, I am losing myself to Yin further than I thought.  The fear of losing myself completely to him seems to be becoming true.

I'm not a fan of the idea of Chanel, only the further losing of myself makes me even more afraid than the fear of losing my memories. I am now lying here on a bed, my wrist is bleeding, my blankets are black and I can't remember anything I have done in the past two weeks. I am under the influence and do not see the world clearly, the question is whether that will ever change. I don't know what I find scarier at the moment, it makes me think about my choices.

Maybe Chanel is right, maybe it is the only option to live a human life, to leave everything behind and even lose my memories. Although the idea follows me in my nightmares it seems to get better and better in my head.  I look at Celeste. 'Do it.', i mumble the words so inaudibly that I wonder if she even heard, somewhere I wish she didn't hear me.

'What do you mean?' I almost don't dare say it but when I look at my wrist again I realise that I really have no choice. Noah's words play in the back of my head. His story that I will not die but will become a slave to the spirit within me confirms my awareness. 'Connect me and send me to the people'. Celeste Her eyes grow large 'Are you serious?'. I nod slowly in confirmation.

Celeste wants to fly around my neck but I stop her. 'I do want you to promise me something'. She nods immediately before I can say my condition. 'I want you to look after Riviri'. Celeste's eyes get big and immediately she shakes her head. Irritation bubbles up in my veins. 'No'. 'Yes'' I give her no choice. She is the only person I want to trust with my dragon.

Slowly I begin to notice that the pain I have known for so long is starting to return. I take the blanket off my arm and look at the bloody spot. A black dot the size of a small knot is visible. 'What is it?' Celeste sounds concerned. For a second I close my eyes to the unexpected fire in my veins. 'Are you in pain?'. I can only nod. I know the feeling when it returns after disappearing for a moment but this is the most autumnal thing I've experienced.

'Fuck'. I look at Celeste who has just pulled the tube out of my arm. I put my hand on the open wound she leaves behind. Using the already bloodied blanket, I press the painful spot shut to stop the bleeding. Celeste wipes away the blood on the tube and looks at the hollow thing. Her eyes are big and surprised. For a moment they shoot from me to the tube and back.

'What?', I ask without understanding. She swallows visibly. 'Elien used this amount for a month'. She almost whispers the words, as if she doesn't want to believe them. She puts the tube in my hand and closes my fingers around it. 'Rest a while, I'm going to Chea'. She gets up from the bed in astonishment. In surprise, I follow her with my eyes. I don't understand what the problem is. What was Elien doing for a month? What was in that tube? I want to ask but before I get the chance Celeste has disappeared from the door.

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