The Night Rider

Chapter 86

I look at the two men, the aggression racing through my entire body. My eyes slide to the large clock on the wall, 22:54. My heart seems to be beating in my throat, I still have half an hour. I don't feel like talking to the guests, that's not what they are here for. I can say with certainty that nobody is here for me, everyone is here for the food and the free drinks.

As soon as Noa grabs my hand I snap out of my thoughts, he pulls me back towards the dance floor. In a daze, I let myself be pulled along and start dancing with him. As if reality is smashing into my body, I realise that this is my last half hour here, for the next 80 years. There is suddenly so much in my head that I still want to say or do. When I look at Noa I realise that if he goes into the room with me, I cannot.

Again my eyes slide to the clock, 23:13. This is the first time I've actually started to panic, my emotions overwhelming me. 'Raf are you alright?',  Noa asks softly. I stop dancing and look at Noa in those deep blue eyes. I breathe in and out deeply, searching for normal breathing. Noa's hands touch my cheeks and that's the moment a button flips in my head, as if Yin takes over a part of me.

As if my emotions are switched off, my head a blur, I stare at Noa. I see the confusion in his eyes as I step back. 'Raf,' he whispers with a tone of desperation. Noa, 'I don't want you to come into the room with me, we'll say goodbye here'. Although the words disappear from my mouth as cold as ice, they do have an undertone. I have to shut myself off to make sure I actually leave here, I don't know any other way.

Time is running out, the time I dread has arrived. I see the pain in Noa's eyes, a look of mourning. I take the boy's cheeks between my hands, look deeply at him. 'Keep thinking of me but get on with life, I won't be here for the next 80 years and you will have to get on with it. You have an awful lot of knowledge and magic that you can use, in ways you haven't yet. Do not let others tell you what you can and cannot do. You are stubborn, capricious and sometimes a little arrogant but you are also loyal, powerful and the most loving person I know. I want to look into your blue eyes the day I return and hear all your stories. Until then, you have to go and make up those stories, without me'.

A tear slides down his cheek, falling to the ground. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me against him. His lips find mine. It is a kiss full of emotion, desire and pain. Noa's salty tears mingle with the kiss, making it salty and bitter. I don't have any tears, not for a long time. The only thing I feel is the stabbing feeling in my heart, the pain of saying goodbye. My arms are around his neck, bringing me as close as possible. I wonder if this farewell would have been harder for me if Yin had not been there, if I had not been sedated. I no longer know what it is like to live without it.

I am the one who withdraws from the kiss, looking into the sad blue eyes. 'I don't really know what else to say to you except that I'm going to miss you terribly and love you'. He has said love before, then it fell like a stone in my heart. At this moment I almost dare to say the same, not in those words. I love you too. Noa smiles weakly, lets his eyes slide to the clock and looks back at me. 'Promise me you'll continue,' I demand. He bites his lip, not daring to speak it. 'Noa,' I insist.

Again he presses his lips to mine, briefly this time. He rests his forehead against mine and whispers 'promised'. I smile weakly and leave our heads like that for a moment. Then the moment has come to withdraw, to press a last kiss to his lips and to take a step back. Slowly my hand slips from his. I see Noa fighting the tears he can't hold back. For the last time, I look into those blue eyes, taking them all in. For the last time, I take in my kinsman and try to imprint him completely in my mind.

My hand slips from his, the last look and then I turn around. I had forgotten that we were at a party, people carrying on as if nothing had happened. It takes a lot of effort for me to take that first step, but as soon as I do, my emotions subside. I don't look back, I just feel the eyes pierce my back.

I push myself through the crowd, heading for the door. Everything seems to pass me by in a total haze, the sound and the bodies. Totally absorbed in my own world, I take the step towards the corridor.