Chapter 39

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Noa lets his eyes glide unabashedly over me. I roll my eyes and wait for his next command. I don't let myself command anything but in this case it is his plan and I have no idea. What has happened between me and Noa since my arrival here is not entirely clear to me. There is a kind of attraction between us that I find difficult to place.

He is the only one who makes me feel not cursed or dying, because I am. I have known for a while that I am dying, I feel the deterioration. I feel that the pain is getting worse every day and that I am changing in personality. How I used to have the energy to fly with Reviri and to fight myself loose from everything around me, now sometimes I don't even have the energy to grab food. How I used to be able to hide the pain well, now everyone seems to know.

My personality is also starting to change and that's what I find most annoying of everything. I'm changing from someone who could easily go through all the bends, and who was talking himself out of everything, into to a dark version of myself. I am losing my empowerment, I let others solve my problems and do what they are trying to stop me from doing behind their backs.

Noa is the only one who doesn't seem to be looking for a solution but seems to move with me. He seems to understand how I feel and what I need. From an early age we were not best friends but we have known each other for a very long time. When I arrived here I felt from the first point he touched me in the kitchen that his touch made the pain go away. He's like a drug to me, one I can't resist.

'Lie on your belly', Noa takes me out of my thoughts. I turn around and hear Noa draw his breath. I turn my head to look at him questioningly. He takes a step in my direction and lets his fingers run over my spine. A shiver goes through my body and goose bumps appear. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the mirror. I follow him without saying anything.

He makes me look in the mirror while I am still standing in nothing but my underwear. It's weird to see myself in that mirror, I don't like looking in a mirror. It never feels as if I am really looking at myself. I have a completely different image of myself in my head than reality. I'm not fat, have weird shapes or other, in my eyes, disadvantages. When I look in the mirror I see a strong woman and a broken soul at the same time. The image of that broken soul disgusts me. The more often I look in the mirror, the more that image is confirmed, the weaker I feel.

Noa has come to stand behind me. 'Turn your back to the mirror, make sure you can see your back' Without asking why, I do what he asks me to do. I look at my back and understand why his breath just stopped. From my spine the black lines, which at first could only be found on my hand and wrist, are running across my back. In three places they seem to run over my back like black veins. Two right, one left, both up to the middle of my ribs. Both have multiple branches, which also have branches, like a tree has.

I don't say anything, I just stare. For a moment I look through the mirror at Noa studying my back. His eyes are not worried as Celeste's eyes would be, they are thoughtful. After a long silence Noa grabs my hand again and leads me back to bed. 'Lie on your belly on the bed', he repeats his earlier command. This time I do what he says and lie on my belly on Noa's soft bed.

I put my head in the pillow and fold my hands in front of me. I feel the bed next to me collapsing and the next moment I feel that Noa has sat down on my thighs. As soon as his hands land on my back I tighten my muscles from the unexpected cold. His thumbs glide along my spine towards the closure of my bra. Without asking or saying anything, Noa opens the closure. It is that I am lying on my breasts so that he can't see anything, otherwise he would have applied for a slap.

He starts massaging my back. Without noticing it myself I relax under his warming hands. He doesn't leave any part of my spine untouched. His fingertips gently push into my skin, his hands glide from top to bottom. I have goose bumps all over my body as soon as his fingertips glide over the side of my ribs. A tingling goes through my body.

I don't realise that Noa is bending over and bringing his mouth next to my ear. Again he lets his fingers go over the side of my ribs. I tighten my muscles when another shiver runs over my body and goose bumps appear. As soon as his lips glide along the back of my neck I unconsciously squeeze the pillow which I have in my hands.

I tighten my muscles when another shiver runs over my body and goose bumps appear. As soon as his lips glide along the back of my neck I unconsciously squeeze the pillow in my hands. His lips press into my skin and an approved mmm leaves my lips.

The pain in my veins is gone on his touch. Unconsciously I have entrusted myself entirely to his hands. His fingers slide down so they touch the side of my breasts. My blood starts to flow faster and my cheeks turn red when he touches me. His lips press more cushion in my neck, over my shoulders to my spine.

His hands follow his actions and glide over the side of my body. The goose bumps that my body has taken over now betray that Noa has an influence on his actions. His gentle touches drive me crazy. Without a second thought I turn around and grab Noa's face. He looks at me both surprised and amused before I eagerly push my lips on his.

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