The Night Rider

Chapter 73

The dragon's legs hit the grass, bringing it to a halt. Rafiki jumps off Reviri's back. Her face speaks the emotions she prefers to keep hidden. I can only send her a sympathetic glance. She nonchalantly shakes it off as if it doesn't bother her, but I know that's not the case. The pain she feels still cuts through my veins. It is a pain I have never been able to let go of.

'Rafiki, say something', I beg her. She has switched off her emotions, her eyes are dark and empty. In silence, she walks towards me and takes hold of my hand. Slowly she starts pulling me towards Reviri. I put my heels in the grass and want to stop her. Rafiki, you know I can't do that'. Rafiki doesn't listen to my pleading and keeps pulling me towards the dragon. Nerves have taken over my body. My body is in two minds, on the one hand longing for what is to come and on the other hand terrified.

As soon as we are a metre away from the dragon, I give up my resistance and let myself be pulled along. Rafiki stops but does not let go of my hand. She turns a quarter and looks deep into my eyes. 'There is no one else I would trust with my dragon. You are the only one who knows how they are put together, how to fly them. You gave your dragon away centuries ago to give me a future, now I give it back to you'. A tear slides down my cheek. The words are so full of emotion and love that it makes me feel emotional.

The words leave no room for me to resist. I am afraid. They are my words. It is not something I admit often, rather never. I am terrified of the memories coming back, of the feelings and everything that has been hidden these past years. 'You owe me and I owe you'. She is right. I have almost demanded that she leave those 80 years, trust me with what is most dear to her. We are in debt to each other.

Rafiki has grown older in recent months, as if years have flown by. She is more thoughtful, more hesitant. Whether this is a good development, I am not sure. She starts to pull my hand towards the dragon's skin again, this time I allow it. Take good care of him. After those words she puts my hand on the scales of the animal, a shiver slides over my body. I have touched the animal before but this is different, Rafiki has just handed her dragon over to me.

My gaze goes from Reviri to Rafiki. Rafiki's gaze is mixed, on the one hand full of pain, on the other satisfied. 'I will,' I reply sincerely. My hand slides down the scales. It takes me back to the past, to the beautiful moments. 'He is under your command'. I nod slowly and understandingly. I am silent, purely because I don't know what to say.

For a while I stare at Reviri, lost in thought. I don't want to think about what it will be like when Rafiki is gone, how I'm going to make myself jump on the dragon's back. I don't know if I can. I'll have to think of a way to do it, for Rafiki. I let my gaze go from the dragon to Rafiki. Her eyes look tired and empty, a sign that we should head back to the castle.

One last time, my hand passes over the scales before I walk over to Rafiki. 'Let's go back'. Rafiki nods and starts walking ahead of me. To make sure the dragon is following us, I look back again. I smile as soon as I see Reviri walking behind us and turn my attention back to Rafiki. In silence we walk through the forest. For days there has been a question on my lips that I don't dare to ask.

I'm starting to get the courage to actually say it, bearing in mind the short time we have left. 'Have you spoken to Noa yet?'. I haven't seen Noa since he left on his horse that morning. I had hoped he would just clear his head but I haven't seen him again. In the back of my mind I know he has probably gone back to his home, but I don't wish this on either of them.

Rafiki slowly shakes her head. 'Why not?'. She shrugs nonchalantly as if she doesn't care, but I know otherwise. I think hard about what to say at such a moment, digging into my own memories. My first time was not something I like to remember. 'You know Raf. I wish I had my first time with someone I cared about'. I throw it into the air and to be honest it's heavy.

I stare ahead but feel Rafiki's eyes burning into my sides. 'Why didn't you leave?' I vaguely remember her asking this question before, or maybe those are just my own thoughts. 'I had no choice. I had people and a dragon to hide. I was the perfect distraction for a very long time'. Despite me saying it out loud, she already knows this because of our bond.

'Did you ever forget him, Christiaan I mean?' I sigh deeply. Automatically my head slides back to that time I had pushed away. Slowly I shake my head. 'Never'. I wish I could but I never could. 'You never forget your first time, just like everyone who was ever around you. Each has a place in your memories, right or wrong. Some have happy memories, some very dark ones. In the end, each has contributed to the person you are today and if you are proud of that, you can endure any memory'.