Knowing Me, Knowing You

I Know Him So Well

Ryan sat in the booth across Carter at the local Steak and Shake. They ordered a Happy Hour birthday cake flavored milkshake while Ryan just asked for a coke and some fries. The waitress smiled and nodded before walking away.

Carter twirled their straw in their cup of iced water, smiling apologetically at Ryan. "Sorry if I'm forcing you to be here."

"You're not," Ryan quickly assured. "Actually, I wanted to come so I could thank you for standing up for me earlier."

Carter winced. "Yeah, sorry about going so over the top. On the plus side, if I do get in trouble, you're only the cause, so that means you won't suffer any of the consequences," they chuckled. "So, is Ryan your actual name?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"He and him are your pronouns?"

He nodded.

"Cool. Mine are they and them," they replied, and he shot his head up to them. "I'm trans, too. Agender to be correct."

"Remind me of what that one is again?"

"Gender neutral," they smiled. "I don't identity as anything. I'm merely just a person. And you?"

"Trans male."

"Cool. It's nice to know another transgender person in town," they chuckled. "Really, I asked you out here to let you know that I understand the fear of coming out and being afraid of people calling you names and being rude, because they're ignorant and don't understand. I've lived through it. I only just recently came out my parents, actually."

"Aren't they gay?"

"Even if you know someone's going to accept you, it's still hard to come out. It's an emotional process that can be draining and scary all at once, because we're all unpredictable. Even the most accepting people in the world could for some reason not accept you, and it holds you back from wanting to tell anyone anything." They reached across the table to grab his hand. "I've been where you've been, and I understand. We're not alone. You are not alone."

Trying to blink back the tears that trickled down his face, he covered his mouth with his hand before asking, "Is that what you wished someone would say to you?"

They nodded. "It's how I explained to my friends why I couldn't come out to them the moment I found out who I was. I've known Dante longer than I've known Regina, yet she was the first person I came out to."

"She was the second for me," Ryan smiled shyly. "Right after Jessica."

The waitress walked back to the table, handing Ryan his coke. Sensing the seriousness of the conversation, she quickly walked away and left the two alone.

"I still haven't come out to my mom yet," Ryan admitted, and Carter nodded softly. "I've been afraid of telling her for a while. At first, it was because when my dad left, she did everything she could to become both parents and make me really happy. And for me to be happy, she felt she needed me to live the best life possible, and the only way to do it was to become a cheerleader and have sisters for life, and to be her perfect, feminine daughter. I couldn't do that part right, so I became a cheerleader for her sake. Don't get me wrong," he quickly added, "I've loved every second of it, but..."

"You wish you could have done something else instead?" they wondered, and Ryan shrugged.

"By now, I feel like I'll let her down if I come out. You and I both know that transgender people don't often get their happy endings. We're always killed off in movies and shows, and we're always bullied for being considered traps for guys, and no one ever wants us to fall in love." He began to cry. "I grew up thinking I'd never get to fall in love with someone. I thought the time I spent with Xander would be the last time I'd ever be touched like that. Sorry, sorry!" he quickly exclaimed, wiping his tears away. "That was so inappropriate. You two are dating right now. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay," Carter assured, grabbing his hand again. "I understand what you're talking about. However, if your mom truly loves you and wants to do whatever she can to make you happy, then she will want you to be yourself."

Ryan knew it was true, but he still couldn't shake the fear. It was like Carter said, despite knowing the person would accept him, he still found it impossible to tell her who he was due to the small chance that she wouldn't accept him."

Noticing the confliction on his face, Carter squeezed his hand, awakening him from his daze. "You know, I never thought I'd be loved properly either. Despite being nonbinary, I still wear feminine clothes and makeup. I also don't mind when people call me feminine nicknames like cutie or sweetie or those sorts of names. And since I was born female, I've always been misgendered."

"If you were born female, you're more likely going to be, since if you dress like a girl, everyone thinks you're a girl, but if you dress like a guy, everyone thinks you're a tomboy."

"So true," Carter gritted in annoyance. "It drives me insane."

"Same!"

"So, that's why I never came out," they shrugged. "It wouldn't matter if I told people my preferred pronouns and my gender, because all they'd ever see is a girl when they look at me, so I gave up. I knew who I was, but I didn't bother telling anyone, because I knew they wouldn't respect me in that way or make an effort, because it's not convenient for them. And I thought I'd never date anyone who would make an effort to try and respect me by using my preferred pronouns and addressing me as an agender individual."

"Does Xander know?"

Their smile expanded as they nodded. "I told him the day he asked me out. I figured if he thought he loved me, I should be honest about who I was. I didn't want to get my hopes up and think that he'd be okay with it if I hid it. But when I told him, he asked me about my pronouns, and he listened to me explain who I was to him. He'd been nothing but respectful ever since. It's a relief, honestly."

They placed their other hand over Ryan's, ignoring the waitress who quickly handed them the two's milkshake and fries, and said, "You are a remarkable person, Ryan. One day, a very lucky individual will fall in love with you, and you with them. And you will be happy together. Because despite what the media wants us to think, we are capable of being loved, and we deserve it as much as an any cisgender individual."

Breaking down, Ryan lifted his hand to his face and cried. Carter continued to hold his hand, running their fingers alone the back of his hand to silently comfort him. He felt relief wash through him, and he felt a greater sense of freedom and possibility course through him than he ever had before.

Patting their hand, Ryan said, "I will never misgender you, and I will make sure I use your preferred pronouns."

"Thank you."

The two pulled their hands away, and Carter took a sip of their milkshake. They sighed loudly. "I really wish you didn't have to go through that today."

"Me too," Ryan snorted. "Probably something I'll have to get used to."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't have to," they insisted. "No one should. I mean, a lot of the queer kids in school get picked on due to people misunderstanding us. And ignorance was the reason Mickey did what she did. She felt entitled, because she thinks she's pure for being cisgender and straight."

"I bet if we had more straight allies in the school, the amount of bullying among the LGBTQ+ kids would go down substantially."

"I agree. We need more people who are willing to take action and not just be a bystander. But it's not like we can just go up to someone and ask them to help."

"No," Ryan said, a smirk slowly spreading across his lips. "However, we could try to teach them to."

"And how would we do that?"

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