Knowing Me, Knowing You

Nina, Pretty Ballerina

Laying on her stomach on Carter's bed, Regina flipped through Sense and Sensibility to jot down notes for her upcoming English test. She would occasionally glance up at Carter, who sewed the finishing details onto the jumpsuit on her mannequin. Out of all the outfits she'd seen Carter sew, Regina noticed how this one made her the most excited.

As she watched Carter sew, she wished Ryan was there. Since they met Freshman year, all Regina could think about was wooing him and making him hers, even if she didn't know his secret. But that didn't stop Regina from envisioning laying in Ryan's room next to him on his bed, both laying and facing each other as they told each other everything that was on their minds.

While she may have longed for the intimacy of it, Regina knew that if she ever needed to talk or vent about feelings, she could easily talk to Carter. With all the secrets they had shared in the past, it made it easier to be open about anything weighing on her mind.

"I've decided that I'm going to give up on dating Missy," Regina nonchalantly admitted. Glancing up from her book, she smiled sheepishly at Carter, who deadpanned back at her. "It's just...she's not interested. I should focus my time on someone who's interested, right?"

Carter's eyes bugged out of her head, and she sucked in her lips as she turned back to the mannequin.

Rolling her eyes, Regina sat up. "Ignore whatever dilemma you're having with Dante right now and focus on me and my issues."

"Reggie, you already know what I think about chasing people who don't want to be chased. If someone turns you down, that's it. You walk away, and you move on," Carter stated. "I know that Missy hasn't actually flat out turned you down, but I still don't think you should chase someone who doesn't want to be with you. You deserve better than that."

Regina sighed. "I know I do."

"What even brought this up? I was sure you were never going to give up on her."

"We ran into each other the other day. We talked, and I realized she is never going to fall in love with me."

"Because she's in love with Xander, right?"

Regina narrowed her eyes on Carter, unsure of just how much she knew. "What makes you think that?"

"After Xander's meet, the three of us hung out, and before they left, she basically admitted that she loved him."

"Seriously? So...it's out in the open?"

"I guess? It was a little different how she explained it, but it doesn't matter to me. The only way it'll ever affect me is if they start liking and dating each other. Otherwise, it's none of my business, and I don't want to talk about it." She side-eyed Regina. "Unless you need to rant about it right now."

"No," Regina sighed, slumping her cheek into her hand. "Screw it. I'll just have to move on."

"I'm sorry she doesn't like you back."

"It was a long shot anyway. Steven was right when he said that we'll have a whole new demographic to turn us down, as well as fall in love with us. I just have to look forward to finding someone in college who will actually want to be with me." She smirked as she sat up straight, puffing out her chest. "I am pretty great, after all."

"Yes! Keep up that attitude, girl!" Carter encouraged, pointing dramatically at her.

"Honestly, though, a part of me was a little worried about your reaction to Xander and Missy."

"Why should they bother me? It's not like they intend to shove their romance down my throat or anything."

"No. And despite what you've said about not having a crush on Xander, I still feel like a part of you does."

"I don't."

"I know, but the two of you keep getting closer and closer-"

"Like all friends do," she hissed. "I am sick of people thinking Xander and I are going to date. I promise we are not, because there is no reason for us to date. Neither of us have those feelings for each other, and we never will. I like being friends with him. I don't want that to change because of feelings that will eventually fade after the first couple months. I've finally found someone who likes ABBA," Carter gushed. "I don't want to get rid of the one person who understands and that I can have a legitimate conversation with about them."

"Is that really why you won't date him? Because of ABBA?"

"Again, I like being friends with him. We work well as friends." Carter knocked on her desk softly as she stared out the gap in her curtains. "As friends, he just needs to support me for who I am. He doesn't have to look at my body and wonder how someone who looks like me could be transgender."

"Carter," Regina whimpered. "If Xander knew, he would accept you. There's no way he wouldn't. You're still you."

"And I look like a female. I dress like a female. Changing my pronouns would be pointless, because if I'm just going to continue to wear dresses and skirts and heels, all anyone is going to see when they look at me is a girl. I can't change their opinions of me that easily."

"Being agender does not mean being androgynous. Being agender means being you and living as yourself. You may have a feminine appearance, but that does mean you deserve to be misgendered. Who you are is how you feel on the inside. And if you wanted to change your pronouns, I would fully support you and call you by them. Would it make you feel better if I called you they/them as a trial period?"

It wasn't something Carter had thought of before. There were nights where she wondered if changing her pronouns would cause people to stop misgendering her, but she always assumed people wouldn't put in the effort and continue to address her as a girl. However, the nice thing about having such accepting friends was that if she wanted to change her pronouns, she had people who would willingly make that effort.

"Would you?" she meekly asked, turning to face Regina.

Quickly nodding, Regina stood up and engulfed Carter in a hug. "Have you tried talking to your parents about it?"

"I can't get myself to bring it up. Every time I try, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack over telling them."

"I know you want to do this yourself, but just know that if you need a buddy there with you, I will be right by your side."

"Thank you," Carter mumbled, hugging Regina back tightly.

Someone knocking on Carter's bedroom door snapped them both out of their thoughts. Carter instantly began to panic and think that one of her parents overheard her talking about her gender, but when she called out for the person to enter, she was relieved to see it was just Xander. The relief quickly vanished and was replaced with confusion as she began to question what he was doing at her house.

"Sorry. I hope- Sorry. I hope you don't mind me coming over all of a sudden. Henry let me up," Xander said.

"It's cool." Turning back to Regina, Carter rolled her eyes as Regina smirked and wiggled her eyebrows. "Did you need something?"

"It's a long story," he dragged out, sucking in his lips as he stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Well, clearly you were not expecting me to be here," Regina announced as she grabbed her book and backpack. "And since it's obvious you really need to talk to them, I'll leave you two alone. I'll see you tomorrow, buddy."

"See ya, Reggie," Carter said.

"Sorry, Regina," Xander whispered to her.

"I get it. It's all good. I need to head out anyway. See you in class."

As Regina shut the door, she winked one final time at Carter. Even if Carter couldn't see it yet, it was very obvious that Xander was beginning to evolve feelings for her. 

Even though Regina is going to be using they/them pronouns when addressing Carter, Carter still refers to herself as she/her, so I won't be changing pronouns unless Carter starts to see herself as they/them.