Knowing Me, Knowing You

One Man, One Woman

When Ryan returned home after school, his mom wasn't home yet. She wouldn't be home for another hour, but he did text her and ask her to come home straight after work. The sooner he could come out to his mom, the better.

As Ryan paced in front of Regina, who sat on the couch, he kept rephrasing how he wanted to come out to his mom. Was he going to take a direct approach and come right out and tell her? Was he going to sit down and explain everything to her, dragging it out for as long as possible? Or would it be better to just not tell her and wait until he moved out?

Staring at Regina, he knew he shouldn't wait. She did cancel whatever plans she may have had earlier just to be there for him and make sure he wouldn't be alone as he came out to her. Since she was there for him, he didn't feel as though he'd be let down. Even though he'd imagined coming out to his mom with Jessica right by his side, he was grateful that Regina was the one who was there for him instead.

In some ways, it was better to have Regina there instead of Jessica. Though Jessica was the first person to give him endless support after coming out to her, Regina was the person who gave him more confidence in himself. If he'd never come out to her, he didn't think he'd ever be able to believe he could fall in love with someone. It was a slow process to get there, but one day, he just woke up and knew deep down that he'd have a relationship one day. That one day, someone would accept him, because every time he saw Regina, she'd remind him that he was capable and deserving of love.

Glancing up to find Ryan staring at her, Regina smiled bashfully and giggled. "What?"

"Nothing," he murmured. "Just...thank you."

"I told you. There's nowhere I'd rather be right now."

It wasn't what he meant, but he was grateful for that, too.

When he heard the garage door open, he stiffened and shook his hands and face. "Okay, this is it."

"Just take a deep breath," Regina instructed as she jumped to her feet. Placing her hands on Ryan's shoulders, she instructed him to breathe with her and turned him around when his mom came in through the side door.

"Oh, hello," Ms. Topaz greeted with a large smile as she placed her purse on the kitchen counter. "Are you one of Missy's friends?"

"I am," Regina nodded.

"I'm going to assume there's some good news then if you wanted me home so soon," Ms. Topaz laughed as she walked into the living room. Falling into the recliner, she crossed her legs and placed her hands on her knees as she smiled at her son. "Am I allowed to take a wild guess?"

"Um...sure?"

"I'm going to guess that the two of you are now dating, and you wanted me to meet your girlfriend," she smirked.

"I wish," Regina mumbled to herself. Ryan glanced at her, and the two blushed before looking away. Ms. Topaz laughed. "Oh, I was right. Wonderful. Well, welcome to the family-"

"No, mom. Regina and I aren't dating." Taking a deep breath, he gently pushed her back into the recliner and knelt next to her, holding onto her hand. "I need to tell you something important. I am coming out, just...not as a lesbian. I'm straight."

"I'm not following."

"Mom...since middle school, I've always felt like a disappointment. Not just to you, but to myself. I felt like I was failing as a human being every day, because I wasn't who you wanted me to be. You always wanted a daughter who was girly and lively and would go out and make sisters for life. And all I wanted was to be your perfect daughter, but I can't do that. I've tried, but it's not who I am.

"I'm glad you pushed me to become the person you wanted me to be, because it did lead me to discover why I felt like I was letting you down. I don't see myself as a girl. I haven't for a long time. It's never felt right to me. Instead, I see myself as a boy. Your son. I tried to be your daughter, but it's exhausting to keep it up. It's not who I am or who I have ever been. And the moment I realized who I am, I accepted it and began to feel like I wouldn't always be a disappointment."

"Oh, honey," Ms. Topaz whimpered as she pulled Ryan up to hug him properly. "I am so sorry I pushed you. I'm even more sorry I made you feel like a disappointment." She pulled his head away from her to cup his cheeks and wipe his tears. "I don't...completely understand how you came to this conclusion. I know you've been thinking it over for a long time, but I'm just now finding out."

As Ryan stared at the ground, Ms. Topaz urged him to look up at her. "That doesn't mean that I don't accept you. I love you. You will always be my child. I don't care about what gender you are, because you are mine. And if you being a boy makes you feel more comfortable and confident in yourself, then how could I ever be mad when that's all I have ever wanted for you?"

The tears may have been silent that slipped down Ryan's cheeks, but Ms. Topaz could feel the relief screaming as it radiated off him. She hugged him tightly and smiled at Regina over his shoulder. "I'm assuming he wanted his girlfriend to be here with him for this moment."

"Oh, no. Ryan just wanted me here for emotional support," she explained.

"Ryan?" Ms. Topaz said. "Is that what I'm calling you now?"

"Yes, mom."

"Okay. I will do my best to always call you that."

"Thank you, mom." He kissed her cheek and squeezed both her hands. "I'm going to walk Regina out."

Regina followed Ryan out of the house and led the way to her car. As she placed her hand on the car door handle, she let go to turn around. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. I know my mom, and I know she was being genuine. I'll be okay. I promise."

"Call me if you need me. No matter what time it is, I'll be there."

"Thank you. And thanks for coming as well and being polite when my mom called you my girlfriend."

"Ryan," she sighed, "I wasn't being polite. If I could, I'd honestly love being your girlfriend, but I've already told you that I accept your feelings. I don't want to jeopardize the friendship we've created with...feelings."

"But...you're a lesbian."

"I may have always dated girls, and I may have a stronger preference towards them, but you have to remember that when I met you, I thought you were a girl, too. I don't think of you as one anymore, because I know you are a boy. And I know you said you didn't feel the same way as me, and I respect that, but getting to know the real you these past few months have actually made me like you more than before. I had a crush on you then, but I actually like you now. If I could choose to be with anyone in the world, it would be you. You make me smile. You make me happy. We have the best conversations. I know we can go from being completely serious to joking with each other in just a snap of the fingers.

"Whenever I had feelings for someone, I cared more about their personality than I did about their gender. When I look at you, I do see a man. But more important, I see a person who is still trying to find his place in the world and wants to be loved just as much as anyone else. And I know you deserve to be loved. And I know that I would be luckiest girl in the world if I got the chance to love and be loved by you."

Blushing from head to toe, Ryan released a shaky breath and said, "And I bet I'd be the luckiest guy if I got to love and be loved by you."

Regina laughed and bit her bottom lip as happy tears sprang to her eyes. "So...does this mean we can try?"

"I'd love to," he murmured.

"Cool." She giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. "Awesome. Um...text me later, and we'll figure out our first date?"

"I'll call you later," he nodded.

"Okay. Bye, Ryan."

"Bye, Regina."

Ryan stayed in the driveway until Regina had driven down the road and he couldn't see her car anymore. When he turned back to his house, he saw his mom standing by the front door, smirking at him. "Told you she was your girlfriend."