Temporary [H.S. || A.U.]

Chapter 48

This is part 5 of a 5 part update.

*****

You, you handle me perfectly
You saw a light that hasn't shined in me in so long
When I came crashing down, you were underneath
You're my relief

I feel completely and utterly numb.

It's like I'm living my worst nightmare.

When I left Lindsey two years ago, I never made plans of seeing her again. I planned on focusing on myself and rediscovering who I am again. I planned on never seeing the woman, who practically destroyed me, again.

I guess I was stupid to think that there was a possibility that I would never see her again.

But, still, I wasn't prepared for this at all.

I don't know how I ended up on the bathroom floor, how Grayson found me, or how long we were there. I think I dissociated there for a good while.

I willed myself to focus on Grayson. It took an immense amount of strength to push away the whirlwind of thoughts that I'm drowning in. But I still managed to push most of them away to focus on the fact that Grayson, the woman that I'm madly in love with, is with me.

It's like a loop in my mind, repeating everything that Lindsey has ever said to me. That's all that I've been able to hear since I saw her.

You're just saying that you're unlabeled because you just want to delay coming out as gay.

You're tattoos are hideous and make you look sloppy.

You need to start watching you weight. You're getting chubby, Harry.

You should start dressing differently. Your style is tacky and hurting my image.

You're lucky that I still keep you around. Because nobody else would be able to.

The more times my brain replays those words that she used to tell me so regularly, the more I see my new found confidence and all the progress I made disappear.

Grayson and I ended up staying on the bathroom floor until a janitor found us in the bathroom. He said that the place is closing and that pretty much everyone was already gone.

It made me feel better to know that nobody had to see me in this state. I already feel embarrassed, and honestly a bit guilty, that Grayson is seeing me like this. But I don't have the energy to really worry about what Grayson thinks of her boyfriend being a pathetic cry baby. I feel like all my energy has been completely drained.

After we gathered our bags from the room I put them in before the wedding, Grayson called us a car to take us back to the city.

If I didn't feel guilty before, I sure did when Grayson told me that she was paying for the ride, no exceptions.