Dreaming Of You

Chapter 34

Joe's POV,

It was quite a shock to know that Raychel actually heard snippets of conversations around her. I felt glad that she did yet in some way also sad. She had heard that I was getting married but also that Matt wasn't with us anymore.

We picked up our friendship like no time had passed at all. She was still the gentle, kind and pure soul that I remembered but now I also couldn't help but realize how much of a fighter she was. Her coma had done no damage according to her doctors.

I noticed that she seemed to be hurting though. Even though she smiled, I could see the pain in her eyes. I guessed it was the fact that she missed Matt. The two of us were like her brothers in her eyes after all.

She quickly made a lot of friends in the locker room, something that didn't surprise me in the least. Only an idiot wouldn't like someone like her.

Although I was very happy to see Raychel getting along with my coworkers, I was also sad that she didn't seem to confide in me as much as she used to do.

Instead, she seemed to confide in anyone but me.

I had to hear about her wanting to go to therapy after Rebecca and I interrupted her conversation with others, something that lead to Bryan recommending her an acquaintance of his.

I had felt hurt by that, feeling as if she felt like talking to a stranger would help her better than talking to me.

I got over it though and instead focused on the positive things. Like the monthly movie night that Raychel and I held. We used to have movie nights along with Matt before she went into her coma so this not only was a moment for us to hang out but also a nice way to remember Matt by.

I was on my way to one of those movie nights when Rebecca called me. I wondered why considering that we had a big fight on the night before. She was feeling like I wasn't being a great fiancé and that I wasn't trying hard enough. I on the other hand brought up the fact that I traveled more to come see her than she did to come see me. Us working on different rosters and schedules had taken its toll.

I answered my phone, figuring she wanted to talk things out. "Rebecca."

"Joe. I think we need to talk." She spoke but I cut her off.

"I can't. It's movie night. They are important to Raych and I. We remember my brother this way, you know that."

"This is exactly what I mean Joe. This is exactly why I feel like you aren't trying..."Rebecca started but took a deep breath and continued on a calmer tone. "Please come, it is important okay? Please Joe."

"Fine, I'll get to the airport. See you when I land." I hung up with a sigh before calling Raychel.

She picked up and greeted me immediately, sounding very happy. "Hey cheekbone, I'm just setting everything up. Want me to have a beer on the ready for you when you get here."

"About that..." I started, really hoping she'd forgive me for this "I'm not going to make it tonight?"

"Why? Are you okay?" She asked and I could hear the worry in her voice. "Please tell me you didn't have an accident."

"No, no, I'm fine. No accidents, I promise." I quickly tried to ease her worries.

"Then why won't you be making it?"

"Becks called. She said she needed to talk to me about something important." I gave her the short and easy explanation.

"Well, your house isn't too far away from mine, right? You could come after." She suggested. She sounded hopeful but that only made me feel worse.

"She isn't in Pensacola, she's at her own house in L.A." I replied with a sigh. "I'm sorry Raych, raincheck on movie night?"

"Sure Joseph. We can take a raincheck. I'll see you around."

It was the worst thing she could have called me. Joe was good, Leati was fine, I'd even prefer Cheekbone. In all the years that I had known her, she had never once called me Joseph and somehow, I knew it meant that I had hurt her.

When I arrived at Rebecca's house I was still in a somber mood.

"You wanted to talk." I pointed out as I walked in.

"Yes, I didn't want to do this over the phone." She confirmed before looking at me seriously "I think we should break up."

"What?" I certainly had not been expecting that.

"We need to break up Joe. We shouldn't be fooling ourselves like this." Rebecca repeated.

"Fooling?" I asked her confused.

"I'm not blind Joe." She sighed as she sat down. "Even if I was, a blind person could see how much you love her. "

I opened my mouth to argue but she cut me off. "Don't even try. Or are you really just in denial about your feelings for Raychel?"

I knew denying it was indeed pointless. "How did you know?"

"Well, it's not like you're good at hiding it but how come you don't notice that you bring her up all the time? Even your excuses always end up having something to do with Raychel." Rebecca pointed out to me. "Look, I'm not mad. Not at all actually. Which is exactly what's wrong."

I nodded, realizing Rebecca was right.

"If I really truly loved you, this would have been hurting me like hell." She continued. "I want to give myself the opportunity of finding love, and I want the same for you. You owe it to yourself to take a chance with Raychel. She's the one who holds your heart, not me."

"How did we get so bad at love?" I asked with a sad chuckle.

"Maybe because we still have some learning to do." Rebecca suggested. "Now go see her Joe, tell her how you feel."

-

Once I got back home though, I didn't find Raychel. Instead, I found her letter. She had loved me all along and it had left her heartbroken to see me with Rebecca.

In the letter she said that she needed to be by herself, give herself the chance to get over me.

I knew Raychel meant it, her needing time. I also figured that I shouldn't bother going after her.

I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. If I wasn't sure about not being good enough for her before than I damn well knew it for sure now.

She would always be too good for me.

Some small part of me however kept hoping. She wrote that we would see each other again someday and I knew she meant that part as well.

That small part of hope kept holding on to that. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would all work out if we were truly meant to be.