Here goes nothing.
They're all about to find out, if you're wondering who, my parents to be exact, they're about to find out I'm... how do we put this nicely, not straight. I don't like pussy, even if we have a cat, She's rather nice, fluffy, very very very fluffy, wait I went off point, I'm gay, telling mum and dad.
I hope they are nice about this, they've never been ones for the gays. Do I just... say it? Or do I ease it in gently, they cant hate me, they produced me, on their wedding honeymoon, Yes, I worked it out, I was a fuck present, my mum drunkenly admitted it to me when I was 16, two years later they're still pretending they love and wanted me, and how I was definitely 'planned'
So yeah, lets practise in the mirror first, my brother, Greg, already knows I'm gay, he is just fine with it, but he doesn't know how mum and dad'll take it to be honest, he's always been honest and punctual with me, always tells me the truth, explains things when I don't quite understand, but I'm 18 now, and I've finally grown enough balls to tell my parents that I'm into dick.
Sounds dumb waiting so long but, well, you're sure to find out if I'm gonna tell you.
"Mum, Dad," I look in my mirror, I look rather nervous, and I'm only telling myself, it took me a few times to convince myself I liked it up the arse when I was 14, "I don't know how you'll react- no, that's bad.." I rethink how I can break this to them.
Should I show them my internet history search?
'Gay porn' Nah, they'll go mental if they find out I'd been jacking off to two dudes fucking in the back of an RV.
It'll be a case of my mum going mental at me, 'Niall, what have we told you about using the internet safely? Have you learnt nothing?!' And I'll just say sorry like the last couple of times I've made a crude remark on the internet and my mother found out.
I look back into the reflective surface, examining my face.
"Mum I'm gay"
"Mum. I like it up the arse" Nope, toooooooooo straight forward, ha, I'm not straight.
"HEY MUM i'M GAY!" Nah, too bold.
None of my reasons seem to feel right leaving my lips, especially to tell my mum, she's actually gonna freak. I can feel it.
"What you doing little brother?" Greg stands in the doorway of the bathroom, sighing as I turn around.
"Trying to find a way to not traumatize mum but tell her I like to ride dick, you?" He smiles and chuckles lightly, walking over to me once he sees my worried expression and engulfs me in a big hug.
"It sounds scary trying to tell your mum that, quoting you, you like to ride dick, but, you know who's gonna be right there for you?" I shake my head against his chest, "Me!" He says and pulls away from that much needed hug actually, kinda reassuring.
"Thanks, I think I'm ready to tell her.
He nods and gives an encouraging smile as I walk past him and head for the top of the stairs, stopping in my tracks, thinking things over, smiling at Greg one last time, and heading down the hideous green carpeted stairs, whoops my gay's showing.I walk into the living room where, just my mum is sat watching TV, dad must of gone down the pub.
"HI sweety, what's up?" She looks up from the chick flick movie playing on her IPad, and smiles.
"I-I have something rather important to tell you..." I pause waiting for her to urge me on, which happens too soon to be honest.
"Well?" she says and I realise I should say something, can't leave her hanging.
"I'm gay!" I blurt out, not using my thought over notes in my head or any sort of calm mannered way of saying it to her, then, she frowns.
"You're... gay?" Her eyebrows lifting and her eyes digging deeper and deeper into my souls as she doesn't lose my eye contact. Wow, I said eye too many times.
"Y-Yep.." I stutter, damn it, stupid anxiety, I thought you'd left me alone?
Clearly not."Well that's your choice, but are you sure you're... homosexual?" She's says it like the words are killing her, stabbing her mouth from the inside out as she says them slowly and insecurely.
"Yes mum I'm sure!" I say back and she scoffs. This is not the reaction I was looking for.
"Well, your brothers not a homo," She's being really homophobic.
"I'm not Greg, Greg isn't me, we are all different!" I say keeping calm.
"Well some are a bad different, just like your kind, if you're gonna act against human nature, then I don't want you living here, in my house, Get out!" She speaks rather cruelly and my eyes begin to water, "oh, are you gonna cry? Stop it and act like a real man!" I can't help the tear that falls down my cheek.
"I, I am a real man," MY voice is small and sounds as if I could snap in half easily.
"You are not, you're a disappointment Niall James Horan, out! Right now, out my house!" She pushes me lout the door, all I have is my half charged phone in my pocket nothing else, "never, I repeat, never come back here again! Your things will be burnt," She slams the door shut after that and my tears roll down my cheeks, she isn't my mother anymore, I look up at my window and Greg looks down at me, then he's... looks like pulled away from the window and the blinds are shut.
I walk away from the place I once called 'home' with hot wet tears rolling off my face and nothing but a jumper and some jeans on, a thin crappy jumper from primmark, one that I bought one time when I was running low on cash and needed it for something.
I have no where to go, no one around here that's even remotely related to me, or even my friend, my friends left me when I said I was gay,well. Now what?
Am I supposed to beg now? What else can I do? I dig my hands in my pockets looking for anything.
YES!!! £1, that'll buy me a drink of water in a bottle from the nearest spar or something, I just need to stay calm, but I have no where to go, how can I stay calm when I've actually been disowned? Who the fuck disowns their flesh and blood because of a minor thing that won't affect them at all, like me being gay? Why have I been let out, why?
People walk past me not giving second glances to a boy crying his eyes out walking down the street, wow, what a lovely neighbourhood.
"Are you alright my boy?" A lovely old-ish looking woman, maybe in her early 40's, maybe 50's stops and places a warming silk gloved hand on my shoulder, I don't shrug it off, she's being kindhearted.
"I'm fine, thank you, I don't want to cause you any trouble," I reply politely and she nods before wandering off again with a smile.
Why can't everyone be that kind? Just to stop a stranger who's upset and ask if they're alright? It's not difficult to be caring, unlike my mum, bitch.
So this is where I stand now, Homeless, lost, sad and gay. And no one wants a gay boy
---new story, opinions? because it will get better I actually swear down on my dogs life.
love you baes---
CZYTASZ
Fool's Gold - Narry Storan
FanfictionI'm kicked out of my own home for being gay, this is utter stupidity! I'm only 18, what am I supposed to do in the big world? My parents don't want me. And they won't fund my college tuition anymore... Where am I supposed to go?
