mischievously yours ▫️ f.g.w

chapter 58

Over the next few weeks, while I laid in my cellar crying and in pain, I was finally given full meals to eat in preparation for the war. Most days I ate slowly or not at all. My eyes were puffy and dry as I felt no use for being alive anymore. I was barely sleeping and constantly felt sick. Every time I closed my eyes. I would see her face, her eyes staring at me as I was being pulled away from her. When I laid alone at night, forcing myself to sleep I could hear her final scream as my mind replayed her body hit the floor.

But finally, the day came for the war and I was unprepared to fight and willing to die. I felt like there was no point anymore. Why would there be? Mary Ann was gone, I was weak, and who knows if Fred still wanted to be with me after everything I had put him through. I was the worst. He deserved better. He didn't deserve me.

I laid on the cold floor as I heard the door creak open. I lifted my head slightly to see who was coming in. Around the corner I watched my Mum walk into the room. He tiny figure walking over towards me as she came down to my level and began to pull me off the ground, wrapping me in her warm and safe embrace as I was brought to my feet for the first time a few months. It felt strange as we walked out of the cellar and then apparated back to our home. With each fottstep towards my room it felt like I was learning to walk for the first time again.

When we entered my room, the first thing she did was draw me a bath as I sat on the toilet staring out into space as I had my arms wrapped around my torso. Her soft, warm hand touched my hollowed-out cheeks as I adverted my gaze up to her to notice her tear-stained eyes. Both of our eyes immediately began to fill with tears as not a word needed to be spoken over Mary Ann as it was too painful to speak or even think about. 

When the tub was full I stood up on my feet as I undressed myself out of the clothing I had been wearing for the past 273 days. Everything was in a pile on the floor as I stepped into the tub full of warm water that quickly warmed my body. As I sat there I curled my legs to my chest as my Mum began to wash my hair. The water quickly becoming a dirty brown as the dirt and dried blood filled the tub. 

After I was done being washed I climbed out of the tub and dried my body off before my Mum and I walked into my bedroom where she pulled out an outfit for me while I sat on the edge of my bed. The water dripping from my hair as it fell onto the silk sheets I spent so many nights dreaming about being in again. I wanted to just crawl under the covers, curl up into a ball and go to sleep. 

It didn't take long for me to get dressed. My hand trembled as my body ached. 

"I don't want to do this," I whispered.

"No one does. We need to stay strong until we get inside. Find Fred and then stay by him," She said touching my cheek again.

"He can't see me like this," I said.

"He is going to whether you like it or not. Today is about fighting for what is right and you know that. Once we are inside tear off from the group and find him, fight against everyone else. You are so strong Lottie and I am sorry for everything you have gone through. We will come out of this alive and on the right side. Believe me."

"I do," I said, "I'm just scared."

"Me too," She said as she grabbed my hands, "but right now we have to get through today."

***

My Mum and I stood behind Charles as Nora and Marcus were close by. There was a shield up over Hogwarts keeping us out which was a good thing. I held onto my Mum's hand as tight as I could while I fiddled with my fingers on the other hand. My eyes fixed on the shield as I hope Fred was safe. I hoped everyone was. I wish I was in there right now to help but I was stuck trapped on the outside. Everything moved in slow motion as everyone raised their wands, but Mum and I, to tear the shield down so we could get inside. And once the holes had formed we wasted no time on getting inside.