Restart |Karlnapity| (On Hiatus)

20. My fault

TW/CW: Self-blaming, Flashback, Degrading, Blaming, Abuse, Choking, Victim-Blaming, Gaslighting, Mentions of sexual assault, Nausea, Vomiting.

Quackity was sitting in the passenger seat, staring out the window as many houses flew by. He felt guilty, he ruined their relationship. He shouldn't have even moved in with them. "Hey Alex?" Sapnap asked out of nowhere. He hesitated for a moment, before turning to meet Sapnaps stare. "...Yeah?" 

Sapnap stared at him for a moment, before turning back forward and coughing into his hand. "Nevermind." They sat in silence for another few minutes, Sapnap breaking the silence again. "Actually, I'll just.. I'll ask." He muttered, sighing and glancing at Quackity.

He took a deep breath before talking. "Alex, Do... Do you think I was too harsh?" Quackity stared at him for a few moments, before looking down at his feet. "I... I don't know what answer would make you feel better." Sapnap sighed once more, turning to look at the other. "Alex, I want your honest opinion. Not just some lie to make me feel better." Quackity hesitated, before replying. "Then... No.. Not... Not really." he muttered.

"I see." The entire rest of the ride home was quiet, the deafening silence following them to the front door. Sapnap took a deep breath, knocking on the door firmly. Quackity heard some shuffling, and then the door pulled open slowly. There stood a tired George, blinking and rubbing his eyes. "Sapnap?.. Quackity?? Why're you here..." They stayed silent for a few moments, trying to come up with an explanation. "Can you just go get Clay?" Sapnap looked away slightly.

George nodded, still suspicious on what was happening. He walked away, shortly reappearing with Dream. "Sapnap??" "Clay, we need to talk.. please." Sapnap mumbled, shifting his feet around. "Umm, sure?.." Dream opened the door a bit more, watching as Sapnap walked in, followed by Quackity. "What did you need to talk about?" Dream cocked his head curiously as he closed the door behind him. Quackity watched as George sleepily walked over, flopping onto the couch in exhaustion.

"Is George okay?" He murmured out of nowhere, staring at the tired brunette. "He's... He's fine. Now what did you want to talk about?" Dream sat down, careful of Georges legs. "Well..." Sapnap fiddled with his fingers, how hard could it be to tell one of your closest friends that your boyfriend cheated on you and that you need to move back in? Apparently really hard.

"Karl...." Sapnap started, unable to get the rest of the words out as a lump built up in his throat. "Karl what?" "Karl c-cheated.." Sapnap took a deep breath, composing himself before continuing. "Karl cheated on me." he blurted, staring at the floor under them. "What?" Quackity glanced at Sapnap, and then at Dream. "Nick, can I- uh.. Can I leave for a bit?" Quackity Stared anywhere but at the two figures.

"Of course." Quackity nodded, walking back toward the door, opening it and walking outside. He could hear the conversation continue before he closed it behind him. "Who did he cheat on you with?" "Alex." "Wait, bu-" "Stop. Let me expla-" he closed the door, sighing. He didn't want to know how the conversation went, he was scared of hearing it. He leaned on the wall next to the door, sliding down into a sitting position slowly.

"it's all my fault..." he muttered, wrapping his arms around his knees. He broke them apart, that's one of the things he was most scared of and it ended up happening. He let out a shaky breath, leaning his head back to look up at the stars. Was Sapnap overreacting? He didn't take the time to ask the question to himself when Sapnap asked for his honest opinion. What if Sapnap didn't actually want to break up with Karl, and he made him feel even worse?

He closed his eyes, knitting his eyebrows as the thoughts clouded his mind. Go away, go away... He doesn't want to think about this. It's not helping. But it's true, he can't just lie to  himself  to make it all feel better. Tears welled up in his eyes, yeah, but what if he wants to be happy? what if he doesn't want to be sad? He doesn't deserve to be happy, he deserves to feel guilty.