Restart |Karlnapity| (On Hiatus)

48. Thinking

TW/CW: Gender stuff, Trauma mention, Boundary stuff (Ig).

Arrow left and Quackity decided to keep the crop top and skirt, with Arrows permission of course. They happily let her keep it. She did hide it, though. She wasn't sure if she was ready to wear it in front of Sapnap and the others still. Or even let them see it.

She was now sitting on her bed, though it was a bit embarrassing at first, it was pretty comfortable when she was accepted with no backlash. It made her feel happy. Maybe that'll happen with Sapnap and the others someday. She smiled at the thought.

She was still a bit self conscious about her hair, but it was a little better now. At least she thinks. Doesn't mean she doesn't want a beanie, though. She's definitely waiting desperately for that new one Sapnaps gonna buy her.

She blinked, that thought made her think of the things Karl had given her. The blanket was on her bed, piled up at the foot of it. The flower was already wilting, which made her a bit sad honestly. The fidget toy was on her desk, and the pills... were in her drawer, right?

He thought about it, and he hadn't really tried them. He didn't know if he trusted them though. But Karl seemed trustworthy now... didn't he? I mean, he did save his life. Quackity frowned, he thought he wanted to die. He guesses he just wasn't ready in the end.

Maybe he should try them some time, but just... not now, maybe. Do pills go bad after a while? They probably do. He should try to take them before that point.... Unless he doesn't want to. He blinked, the thought of the gifts he'd been given reminding him of the conversation he'd had with Karl a few days ago.

Quackity let a sigh out as he remembered. He'd vented to Karl about all of his trauma, he kind of regrets it, but.. to be honest, it felt good to finally talk to... SOMEONE about it. Even if it was someone he didn't particularly like. He guessed he got too distracted by gender stuff for his mind to think of this.

It just kinda worried him now, because that probably opened up a lot more opportunities for him to be manipulated or something... To be honest, he should probably be giving Karl more credit.. considering he could've just dropped him and let him die.

Other than that, one more thing that worried him was Karl talking to Sapnap and the others about it. Though maybe it'd be a good thing, considering he's been trying to talk to them about it on his own terms for around 7 months to no avail. Maybe it'd be a good thing if someone else talked to them about it... but he didn't know if he was comfortable with that.

...

Honestly, Quackity could hardly tell what he was comfortable with in general. He wished he had spent more time trying to, y'know, re-establish stuff like that in his mind but... All he did was useless stuff like wandering around feeling depressed all the time.

Thinking more about it, he can't tell if it's gotten worse or better since he decided to move in with Karl and Sapnap earlier on. Has it gotten worse? He honestly can't tell, he doesn't know what would've happened if he hadn't.. But nothing really good has happened, has it? I mean, he's dating Sapnap now... So that's a good thing, right?

He blushed, a smile growing on his face. Yeah, that's one good thing at least. He does love Sapnap. 

Even though he knows he can be more comfortable when it comes to Sapnap, he can't help but feel like something's going to go wrong constantly. To be fair, his first relationship was abusive... not a good start to dating.

He sat down on his bed, sighing softly. Sapnap hasn't seemed to get worse, though. He's still himself... But it still could happen, couldn't it? That lead him to think about what he'd thought about earlier.. What if Sapnap didn't accept him as.. whatever he identified as..? What if no one did?

I mean... Arrow did, if everything goes wrong he guesses they're still there. And plus, if they don't accept him, he can always play it off as him playing around or.. something.

Yeah, that sounds good. I mean, he could be faking it so... Maybe he just wont say anything until he's sure... He could just like to wear dresses, but... He kinda liked to be called a girl, with the pronouns and stuff..

Whatever, wait, what was he originally thinking about?

...

Oh right, his boundaries and stuff, and Sapnap, and relationships... Yeah, he really didn't know what he was comfortable with anymore. Schlatt kinda... ruined that for him, a bit. Even if he wasn't comfortable with it he doesn't think he'd be able to say no in fear of... well, you probably get it by now.

If he actually thought about it hard enough he guessed he could come up with some boundaries... at least for now, until he recovers, if he even does... Like, no touching wings and no sex... stuff like that. He needs time to think about it more, maybe he can discuss it with Sapnap when he gets his beanie.

Speaking of, he's spend almost the whole day with Arrow, til they left of course. Sapnap should probably be home soon with his beanie, right? Maybe he's home and just waiting for him to come out or something. He should look for him, right? Yeah, maybe.

He got up, walking over to the door and turning the handle. He opened it, walking out into the living room. He didn't see Sapnap, so he decided to look around the house. He didn't go into Dream or Georges rooms, though. That's kinda an invasion of privacy. And he only knocked on Sapnaps door, a few times, since he didn't just wanna barge in there.

When he didn't find Sapnap he figured he should look outside briefly, though he doubted the ravenette would be out there. He walked to the front door, grabbing the handle and opening the door. There stood Sapnap, who was about to unlock the front door and walk in. He had a few bags in his hands. Quackity smiled at him, though Sapnap seemed a bit uneasy.

Quackity took a breath in. "Sapnap-"

"Alex can we talk?"

Yo I cant tell if this chapters
all over the place,
But I have a head cold so
It's not my fault /hj