Forbidden (mxm)

17. Precious Moon Ray (Sai)

   I'm tossing and turning in my bedding. The wolf fur is soft, but it feels like gravel. A strange feeling overwhelms me for the first time in my life. It's like fever. My skin is itching. Every spot is burning with a need that I've never sensed before. I see his eyes, his lips, his long, dark hair, falling over his shoulders. His name is rolling on my tongue, Dai Danail, born to follow me. He spent his youth in the burning desert because of me. He was meant to be my friend but became an enemy instead. Would I have stopped this madness if I had known him earlier? Would I have broken all the taboos and prohibitions if I had seen how he suffered, turning from a gentle boy into a fierce warrior? Am I worthy of his love when my very existence caused him so much pain?

   I turn on my stomach and burry my face in the pillows, trying to muffle my sobs. Even falling for me will hurt him. How can being with someone you can't even touch do you any good? And the prophesy! Oh, how I wish I didn't know what it says! I pray that he has already chosen one of my sisters, although, It breaks my heart. I know I shouldn't try to escape the bitter ending. I already asked him to say 'yes' and choose his doom. I know we are obliged to do what is needed to save our world, but I'd rather die than see him...

   "Sai?" a whisper from outside interrupts my thoughts. "Are you crying?"

   I quickly wipe my eyes, just before Dey's face appears at the entrance of my tent. He's worried. His eyes are glimmering in the light of the numerous candles in colorful jars, scattered on the floor. He is so handsome. He slips inside through the flaps and carefully squats down in front of me.

   "Why are you crying, my beautiful moon," he smiles softly. "It's over. The monster is dead. We're all safe."

   "I'm not crying," I sniffle, denying the obvious. "The candles are scented and irritate my nose."

   "That must be it," he chuckles, looking at me gently. "You're allowed to have feelings, you know. You're not a warrior. No one will judge you. And even if you were, nobody can see you here. One is allowed to let the sorrow out from time to time."

   "You can see me," I mutter. "I don't want you to think I'm weak, because I'm not. This is just... just a moment of..."

   "I would never take you for frail," Dey interrupts me, resting his hand on the fur, close to my knee. The tips of his fingers are touching the fabric of my pants. I'm gazing at them. The slightest movement is enough for them to touch my skin through the silk. I crave him to do it and am afraid of it at the same time. He sighs, "How can someone, who has survived without a human touch for twenty two years, be weak? I admire you. I also feel angry because you deserve nothing but tenderness. You need to be kissed and held close to the warm body of someone who loves you."

   I gasp in surprise. A rush of heat makes my body tremble. I'm startled at my own reaction and quickly move away from him, hoping that the distance will help me calm my breathing.

   "Don't be afraid. I'm not here to hurt you or disobey the rules," Dey utters. "I'm here because I can't stay away anymore. Please, let me sleep next to you. I'll be careful and won't touch you."

   He gazes into my eyes pleadingly. The golden sparkles in his warm, brown irises are like fireflies in the night sky. I see glowing constellations, luring me in the space of his sight. There's grief, but also hope, boldness but also hesitation. I'm enchanted and conquered by the whirlwind of emotions I sense in him and his closeness. 

   "You are no snake," I shake my head. "You're noble and kind hearted, a true prince."

   "You don't know me yet, my lovely moon ray," he smiles. "I am not soft, but I'll never be rough or threatening to you. I'll give you everything good and gentle that I managed to save inside of me. Just tell me that you want it and my love will be yours."

   I have no words to say. My heart is pounding wildly. I would throw myself in his arms, if the long years of holding back hadn't taught me to restrain. I know it's forbidden. I know I can't do what I want most. I only lie on my side and nod to him to follow me.

   "Thank you!" he mumbles, relaxing next to me. Our bodies are so close that I feel his warmth. His hair almost touches my face. It smells like wild flowers. His lips are soft and smooth. I just have to lean a little to touch them with mine. I sigh and avert my gaze, embarrassed by the way I'm staring at his mouth.

   "Close your eyes, precious moon ray," he chuckles. I do it and feel him moving even closer. His breath is tickling my lips. He gently whispers, "Sleep now! We still have a long way to go to The Capital. I'll be right here, next to you." 

   "What if we touch unintentionally while sleeping," I murmur, enchanted by the way our breaths mingle. 

   "Shhh," he soothes me. "Let me worry about that. I promise you everything will be fine. Sleep!"

   Most of the candles have burned out. We breathe together in the darkness. I'm immersed in the incredible feeling of coziness and closeness and slowly drift off to sleep.

   The chirping of the birds in the nearby trees and the bustle outside, caused by my sisters, giving orders to the soldiers while settling in the carriages, wake me up. I jump up startled and look around. There's no one in the tent but me. The sun is high. Someone will come to urge me to hurry up at any moment. We have to leave. Did I dream of my prince? Was our conversation just the fruit of my imagination? I pout, disappointed at the thought, but a small object on the pillow captures my attention. I carefully lift the exquisite gold medallion in the shape of the moon. My fingers trace the smooth surface. I smile and press my lips to the priceless proof that he was here, guarding my sleep through the night. 

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Hello at the end of chapter 17!

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Love: Anny