𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 |𝟏𝟖+

40 || Blue Balls

Song: The Hills - The Weeknd (slowed )

𝔚𝔚𝔚
Alessio

I didn't like listening to people talk.

Of course in my day to day life I listened to people talk, but I had mastered the art of recognising when I needed to listen and when I didn't.

And when I didn't, I was tuning them out.

It was a skill that I learned at a young age with my parents.

There was two versions of Mamá. First there was the one that was informative, telling me what I had to do and where I had to be.

Then there was the fault finding one. The one that was telling me how much I ruined her body so she couldn't have anymore children or how I was at fault for her curse.

The latter was the one I learned to block out.

And to be quite honest I was glad that she was 'cursed' as she put it. It was a good thing she miscarried so many times because mamá and papá were not meant to be parents. I knew that much at seven years old.

To mamá I wasn't in touch with my emotions enough. I was too cold, too emotionless, too frigid.

Meanwhile with papá I was too soft, too gentle, too caring. To him I wasn't fit to run a mafia.

It was conflicting, so much so that my brain had to adapt and start learning how to filter through what I needed to listen to and what I didn't.

And when I started tuning them out, I turned into my own person. One that didn't like talking to others, one that barely had any friends other than ones to discuss business with and one that never actively felt like engaging in conversations outside of business purposes. 

Even now in my life whenever I talked to people it was simply because I had to. My men, I loved and cared for them but I didn't talk to them unless I had to. Greta, I engaged and talked to solely for the purpose of this deal and anyone else in my life I conversed with when it was necessary.

Save for Giana.

I talked to her, not because I had to or needed to. But because I wanted to.

She had so much power over me and I realized it the moment she had made me suffer the consequences of my actions, without even harming me directly.

By hurting herself, she was harming me. And that hurt me far more than anyone else has.

So much so that I felt like crying and then I did.

I hadn't cried since I was ten, but she struck something deep inside me.

I never had to pay any mind to the concequences of my actions nor did I care for them because business was done and there were no hard feelings. At least on my end.

Which was why it all came crashing down when I blurred the lines between business life and personal life.

I shouldn't have handled Giana like I did, and I realized that when I watched her break and crash before me, because of me.