Fire Ferrets [3] Bolin

Chapter 29

I sit on the floor of my en suite with my head hanging over the toilet bowl. I gag and cough as I throw up my last couple of meals. I cling onto the side of the toilet as tears fall down my face. I can't believe this is happening, I can't wrap my head around everything. My mother is stepping down. I am going to become Fire Lord. My heart beats frantically in my chest and my breathing grows rapid and uncontrolled. I can't do this, I have never wanted this, what am I supposed to do? I hear footsteps enter my room and it isn't long before I hear knocking on the en suite door. 

"Ula, are you okay?" Bolin's voice asks through the door. I cough again and as I do vomit rises from my stomach and falls into the toilet. I hear the door handle rattle and it swings open behind me. I cough a couple more times as someone moves my hair out of the way. I know straight away it's Bolin just by the way he rubs my back.

"Ulazu," I hear Asami mutter. A panicked gasp leaves my lips as I struggle to breath. I haven't panicked like this for years and now that I am I'm terrified. I'm terrified by my inability to breath and my inability to get my thoughts to stop rushing for a second. Bolin moves to the side and grabs some toilet roll, wiping my face for me as I hyperventilate, falling to the floor further. 

"Ula, I need you to breath, okay," Bo says in a calming voice. He puts his hands under my arms, picking me up slightly and leaning me against the wall. I try to look at him as he crouches in front of me, but my eyes can't seem to focus and my head rolls to the side as I desperately try to fill my lungs with oxygen. 

"I-I can't, I can't, Bo I can't do-" I stammer feeling my level of panic increase as I talk to him. 

"Hey, don't. I just need you to focus on your breathing, take a breath with me, all right?" He says gently. He takes a deep breath and I try to inhale like he had, but no air enters. I shake my head as more tears fall.

"I c-can't-" I gasp. 

"It's okay, why don't we try again." He says before taking a deep breath. I try again, finally feeling air reach the bottom of my lungs. Bolin smiles and puts his hands on my knees gently, "Good, that's good, take another breath with me." He says taking another deep breath. I take another breath with him, and after a couple more breaths, I calm slightly, though that doesn't stop my tears. 

"Ulazu, are you okay?" Korra asks. I look away from Bolin to see her standing in the doorway with Asami and Mako standing beside her, looking equally worried about me.  

"You p-promised me that it, that it wasn't bad." My voice shakes as I stare at Korra. Her eyes widen before blinking a couple of times. "You promised." Tears burn against my eyes and my level of panic begins to slowly rise again.

"I-I didn't realise it was so bad." Korra replies and I scoff, shaking my head as I lean back. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself again, the last thing I want to do is have another panic attack over it. I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I might have never wanted this for my life, but I always knew it was going to happen, I knew that one day my mother would utter the words she had just done. I guess I just ignored it, praying that it would never come along if I paid it no mind. However, I've just learnt that ignoring a problem makes it worse.

"Ulazu, I'm so sorry. I knew this was going to happen, I-I should have told you." Bolin says and I shake my head again. 

"I know you all knew, I'm not upset with you. It's not like you had time to tell me," I sigh, "I'm sorry, Korra." I say looking over to the Avatar. 

"You don't need to apologise." She says as she gives me a small smile, walking into the en suite. She shares a look with Bolin before they both help me off the floor. My legs are shaky and so I grip onto their arms tightly. They bring me to my room and sit me down on my bed, and as soon as I'm seated Asami is moving around the room to gather some comfortable clothing.