Humans (Chuuya Nakahara x reader)

18: Human

I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"I've been so eager to help you" he said. "And I don't know whether it is because I care about you.. or because I'm trying to give myself a feeling of fulfilment. As if I'm trying to make up for the feeling of guilt" he said.

"At first, I was clueless. I didn't know what to do with you. Mori told me to not give out too much information. He knew one day I would snap and tell you the truth" he said.

"That's why he told me to not get close to you" I said. He nodded. "I wish you told me this sooner" I said and looked at the floor. "I have caused you quite some trouble" I added. I looked at the scar on his arm.

"What happened?" I asked. He broke eye contact. "I don't think you want to know" he said. "Please" I said and held his hand before pulling him closer to me.

"Be honest with me. No more secrets" I said. He shook his head and let out a sigh. "I can't-" he started but I cut him off. "I can't deal with you not being honest with me" I said, my eyes gazing into his.

"It was my punishment" he said. "What did you do?" I asked. He looked away. "You know what I did" he then said.

"H-Helping me escape?" I asked shocked. He nodded.

"I hurt you in so many ways" I said. I looked at his side and put my hand on it. "I've hurt you mentally and physically" I said. "From the moment you found me in that basement and I touched you.. I have continued to hurt you" I said. "And even before that.." I added.

I covered my face with my hands as I started crying. I felt ashamed, hypocritical, and irrelevant. Maybe it was for the best if I left. I've caused enough harm.

"Pain is temporary" he suddenly said. "It's something we carry with us. We can't move on if we're stuck with the pain from the past" he added.

I stayed quiet.

"Chuuya" I said. "Why are you not scared of humans?" I asked.

"It's humans that hurt us" he said. "It's also humans that fix us" he added. I looked away, staring at the wall. "What if no one fixes us? Are we supposed to sit around and wait for other humans to fix us? Who will fix them? Isn't that just an endless cycle?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "See, that is where you're wrong" he said. "Not everyone needs fixing. The people that do, can depend on others that they trust and feel comfortable with. You can't blindly trust anyone. It's like diving into the ocean, not knowing it's filled with sharks" he said. "You need to be careful who you trust" he added.

"So" he said and looked into my eyes. "Will you jump of the cliff and swim with the sharks or rethink what is best for you?" he asked.

As much as I didn't want his words to affect me, they made sense. I felt like out of everyone on this planet, only he would ever understand how I truly felt.

"Can I trust you?" I softly asked. His eyes examined my face. "I don't know" he said.

We stayed quiet for a bit.

"I want to trust you" I said. "I don't want to be afraid anymore" I added as I felt tears forming in my eyes. "For so long, I have lost the true meaning of life. I felt out of place and abandoned. I never related to humans and their way of thinking. In fact, every time I heard someone speak and I got to experience a glimpse of how their minds functioned, I felt sick to my stomach" I said.

"I'm done with being afraid. I want to feel what others feel" I said. "I want to experience things the way they do" I added.

"I want to know what it's like to be.."

"human"