Forevermore {h.s}

46.

It's been a few days since Harry and I stopped hating each other. Yes, a very bold and strange phrase, why should two people hate each other to the tip of their bones? 

In my defence, I had my reasons. However, Harry never directly told me he hated me, whereas I made it clear to him very often. I don't know why, how or when it happened, but at one point I saw him in a different light in which he was more tolerable to the point of being nice. My head was telling me something different from my heart. 

I had no idea what we were now. Friends, friends with benefits? A couple? I doubted that strongly. For me, a kiss and sex was something more than a one-time thing but for him, sex was a normal activity. 

But would he kiss me if he just wanted to have sex with me? He said he never kissed anyone.

 Would he whisper honeyed nothings in my ear about how much he wanted me? Would he hold me in my sleep and be in bed with me at all? I didn't know much about Harry, and that bothered me and I couldn't even find a way to get to know him better.

I'd like to talk to someone about everything that happened in the time I've been here. But I didn't have anyone. I didn't want to tell Charlie personal things like sex with Harry, I knew him for too short a time even though I felt like I knew him my whole life, I still didn't want to bring it up. 

I would be lying against myself to Stacey if I told her I kissed that annoying, obnoxious neighbour who got on my nerves every single day. Willow was too young for me to tell her what happened. It was just me, my diary and my thoughts. And that's the way it stayed.

"Do you want something from the gas station"? Harry's voice broke into my mind as I blinked a couple of times, feeling like I was waking up from a dream.

"Huh?" I turned to face him. He was sitting in the driver's seat, his fingers tapping quietly on the steering wheel. We just got back from Charlie's because Harry had something he had to take care of and I had no idea what, because he didn't tell me.

"C'mon" he didn't repeat the question and I got out of the car. It was a bit colder in London today so I was wearing a sweatshirt that belonged to Harry. I just grabbed water while Harry waited in line to pay for gas. I moved in front of him and looked up. A faint smile flickered across Harry's face, brought on by the touch of my hand on his.

"Want something?" He whispered, caressing my cheek with his fingers and I shook my head disinterestedly.

"Next" the lady at the till shouted and I winced. I didn't notice there were other people at the pump and it felt strange to be in the public with Harry even though there was no one who recognised us.  Harry walked around me and paid. Then he walked out and the man who filled the tank moved away from the car. I sat inside and noticed that next to the food we were taking home were many boxes I've seen once before.

"Are those the drugs?" Turning back to Harry, I made eye contact with him. "Yes," he said truthfully and I opened my mouth.

"Didn't you say you weren't going to take them anymore"?

"I'm not taking them, love, I was just about to get rid of them" he answered, taking my hand and with his eyes still on mine, he kissed it. He kissed my knuckles, wrist and back of my hand. His lips touched my hand so delicately I must have blushed. 

Then Harry let go of it, turned onto the road and put his large hand on my thigh. His fingers covered my entire thigh and he even squeezed it a couple of times, cold rings made me shiver. I tried to ignore it, so I looked out the window and forced myself not to pay attention to my squeezing legs. I leaned back against the seat, the fatigue from the day really getting to me. I had no idea the days on my 'vacation' could be so exhausting.