Paradise Lost [Tokyo Revengers]

Chapter 15

Chapter 15: (Special Chapter pt. 2)

Its funny how someone you cared about dearly, someone you looked up to, just disappeared. Everyday for the past 2 years, I went to Shinichiro's grave to talk to him, but it just couldn't fill the hole he left.

Until I slowly came to realize something...

"Shinichiro-kun, it still hurts" I told Shinichiro "I wish I could have at least said goodbye to you"

"Remember when you used to rock that stupid pompadour when you were in high school?" I said trying to change the subject into something brighter "I'm glad you stopped, you looked like Elvis" I said laughing.

"I wonder how Kazutora is doing? I heard he's going to be released soon" I mindlessly told him.

It's weird how I've been talking to a stone for the past two years, but every time I came to Shinichiro, I always feel better. Just like when he was still alive, every time I came to him he would comfort me, he always made me feel at home.

"I still think it's unfair how you left, you told me we'll see what happens in the future but you left me before we could come to that. I know nobody wanted it to happen, but its just so hard, you were my hero... my first love" I told Shinichiro as I started to cry, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I never showed it and not once have I mentioned it, but I hated Kazutora, I was not okay with just a 2 year sentence but at the same time he was one of my closest friends growing up. I'm such a horrible friend for wanting him to suffer more. But because of him, Shinichiro is gone.

"I'm such a terrible person, I couldn't even forgive Kazutora, even though I knew it was an accident, I'm so pathetic!" I said completely pissed off with myself. "but Mikey never left my side even though I was getting too complicated to handle, you have such a wonderful brother"

"Shinichiro-kun, I hope you're resting well" I continued to talk to Shinichiro "You will always be my first love... but I think it's time to let you go" I told him as I started to cry hysterically.

I wasn't ready to let go of Shinichiro.

I didn't want to stop loving him, but I have to move on, he's gone.

"But I promise, I'll protect Mikey with my life" I assured him "You have nothing to worry about, you can leave Mikey and Emma to me, I'll take care of them"

I placed some incense on his grave and lit them up, I also placed a bouquet of white lilies in the centered and prayed.

After a very long prayer, I bid farewell to Shinichiro-kun

"I hope you're at peace up there, maybe in our next life we can see if things will work out for us" I said as I got up. "I'll see you soon"

I headed to my bike and grabbed my helmet then drove to the highway near the beach. The sunset was coming, It was getting dark.

I parked by the side of the road and just watched the sun go down.

"I wonder what will happen now?" I asked myself as I stared into the sunset.

The only reason I looked forward to everyday was because of what Shinichiro said, and I was desperately clinging on to that even after his death, but now what should I do?

Many things keep coming to mind, most of them were dark. It scared me how I was capable of thinking ill of the people around me. I wanted to hurt a lot of people I know, It's scary.

I even wanted to hunt down and kill Kazutora at one point, I even thought about killing myself. I was left cold and lonely, all I could see was black.

"It's getting dark, I should go home" I said as I got up from my bike and stepped towards the cliff. I wanted to jump off and end my sadness here.

"Akaza!" I heard someone yell, I snapped out of my trance as I heard a familiar exhaust come to my direction.

Suddenly, the pitch black I was seeing turned bright.

"Mikey?" I said as I saw Mike parked his Babu and ran to my direction, He quickly pulled me into a tight hug, I started to cry realizing all the terrible things I was thinking of doing before he came. I'm so pathetic.

"Where have you been, I've been looking all over for you!" He told me, he sounded pretty worried. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did some gang harass you or something?"

"I'm so sorry!" I cried as I hugged Mikey tightly.

"What happened?" He asked confused.

"I couldn't take it anymore" I told him, this was the very first time I opened about how I felt all these years.

After a good long cry in Mikey's arms, I calmed down and told him everything, from Shinichiro, to all the dark thoughts I've been having, to killing myself. 

"I wanted to kill Kazutora" I told him, his face was expressionless "then I wanted to kill myself, I wanted to see Shinichiro-kun so bad, I couldn't wait anymore, I told Shinichiro-kun it was time to let him go, but in the end I couldn't, that's why I did that"

"But you came before I could do it, you made me realize, I have so much more to live for, I have you and Draken and Emma and everyone in Toman" I continued to tell Mikey my real feelings about everything "You were like a light shining in the middle of my dark world, you're my hero" I smiled sincerely at Mikey 

"It must be hard, keeping all of these feelings all to yourself" Mikey told me 

"It was, but I have you, you made everything better" I told Mikey "Thank you for listening, thank you for coming, you're always there when I needed you most, I was so scared I was being consumed by darkness"

"I'll always be here with you" Mikey said as he stuck out his pinky, I smiled and wrapped my pinky around his. "I promise"