Freshman, a Diary | Completed

28. The Breakup

August

Monday

A moment of silence passed, leaving me with a wound. His words were like a knife stabbing me. With just less than 3 seconds that have passed as he sadly stares at me, I have already calculated my future, it's no longer what I pictured. I thought of being a stepmother, oh, Karabo's firstborn not being mine, and the worst thought, what if he chooses her over me for the sake of the baby.

"She just told me last Friday, when I called to cancel on us, she has just told me,"

"Are you sure is yours?" I asked, hoping for a definitive answer that I was never gonna get. I could feel a tear lingering in my eye, longing to pop on my book.

"For now, I'm not sure, but I think she is not lying. I know she wasn't dating anyone and sometimes we would do it without a condom," He said and I had no words. I just stared at him and I could feel something tickling my cheek, the damn tear is out. "I was reckless to do so, and now I have to pay for it," He continued and I said nothing.

We sat there, saying nothing and just staring at the board as if someone is writing on it.

"I guess it can't hurt much having to know that you are a father to someone else other than our kids, I can handle it," I said after a lot of Mississippis.

"Tshedza, that's the thing. For now, we have to take a break, I can't..." He said and I felt like I was hit by lightning. I interrupted him, he has to know I don't care about the pregnant whore, I still want us.

"I don't care that she's pregnant, we will deal with it together. She doesn't have to come between us," I preached.

"She's already between us. She doesn't want me to see you anymore,"

"And you are listening to her now? we don't do what she wants,"

"I have to listen to her this time, if I keep on seeing you, she's threatening to kill my unborn child, you know I can't allow that."

"Bitch." Well, the lightning was nothing. this hit much harder. There's no hope.

"I'm sorry Tshedza, this is as painful to me as it is to you. But I have to protect my child. I really am sorry, and this hurts me too."

"You let her expose my secret to Sihle, and now he dumped me and you don't want me?" I asked.

"I didn't let her do anything and come on, we both know you never loved Sihle. I guess she was angry that the father of her..." I stopped him

"The father of what?" I cried, "So, you are already in? like that's what you wanted."

"It doesn't matter what I want, I always don't get what I want, and I learnt that the hard way. I wanted you from the beginning, and I tried with everything to win you, but you just wanted me to keep on chasing you while you have your perfect boyfriend." "But now that I got you, something has to come between that. That's my life, I never get what I want, and if I do, something always finds its way to break that."

"I know that but maybe this time is different, maybe you can actually get what you want, you just have to fight,"

"I don't know how I'm going to win this one Tshedza,"

"You can tell her you want me, you want me, I know that. You can tell her that; she won't harm her own child,"

"I don't get what I want Tshedza, that is why she is pregnant, not you." He said, and then he left.

I sat there at the desk waiting for the rest of the students to arrive and fill up the classroom because, by myself, I couldn't breathe. I heard my tear popping dropping on my book on top of the desk when some girl came to sit next to me.