"I am culpable for this heart break"
"Finally I am out of frame works"
"Let's play a game of dares"
A romantic sakook story taking you on a sweet yet fun vacation filled with some challenges.
I arrived at Hawaii a while ago, I couldn't stop my tears at the airport earlier because of my encounters of some hard sights, I never travelled alone and just to add more Taehyung came to drop me off and I was trying really hard to smile in his warm embrace.
Although I have to move on from my lover, I still miss him way too much.
I remember how I used to make plans with him, cuddling and forethought, how'll we go on a vacation together, what we'll do there and what not but it's all over now and I can't freaking move on from that, how weak, I can't believe I literally needed sunglasses at airport to hide my tears, I am a weak girl and there's no doubt in that, he just proved ever thing that I was scared to accept in my life.
I was currently going to my new temporary habitat, on the taxi to the hotel where I am going to cry this week out, I mean I know how weak I can get and I am at my lowest these days. His words are still railing in my mind, his smile still plastered in my thoughts but there something that I still want to let out and tears aren't helping it anyways, my frustration that he cheated on me for months and faked himself making me a fool, and at the end he was alright, all ok, all fine.
And here I am crying all day for him, suffering because I just loved him way too much, I miss him even though he made mistakes, he hide things, he moved on and he is smiling next to her.
I approached the receptionist and while on the way, I think I saw thousands of couples and here I am all alone, just like a stupid girl. They were like highlights to my eyes, their giggles seems to mock me, when they stare at me it was like they were calling me helpless loner, looking like a zombie in blazing day.
The environment in this hotel is not helping my broken heart either, I hurriedly took my key card and rushed to the elevator. It's getting heavier, my eyes getting heavier, my breathe getting heavier, I am suffocating here.
I was silently standing in the elevator and the door was about to close when a hand stopped it and I pressed the button to help him, once he entered he thanked, he is a Korean, I guess but at this situation I couldn't care less. He was continuously staring at me and I am not in the mood to question his glances or existence, I am already tired and he must be compassionating on my situation.
I somehow managed to enter my room as I finally took a breath of relief. I freshened up and took a nap on the new fluffy bed.
When my eyes opened it was already the time of sunset, barely minutes before it and my stomach growled, I haven't eaten anything since morning and even though my head is light and I have composed myself, my appetite is gone. Suddenly a ring alarmed me and I slipped my phone out as a smile creased on my blank face.
I took the call and it was the best thing I did today. "Sana, how you doing, how is Hawaii" my mom asked with lots of enthusiasm.
I chuckled lightly as I cleared my sore throat and replied "everything is great here, I was just planning to roam around here and grab dinner" , my mother probably gasped radically because it was obvious from other line and said "don't say you missed the sunset there".
I hummed and she kinda scolded "Sana, I am sure you over slept, don't sleep too much, open your eyes and look around, of course is rest is important but don't be a sloth". I hummed again and she sighed for moments, it was all silent for a few seconds until my life finally spoke again "Sana, If you aren't feeling too well, you can come here now, I know it's not so good to travel back forth, but I would have came to you if your father didn't had an important meeting here" I hummed again and she sighed .
"It's alright mom, I am fine here, I also want to visit you all, but things will get hectic and you two are also on business trip" she agreed heartedly and at last to make her feel better I said "it's alright mom, we are connected with hearts" she must have smiled because I can hear soft chuckles on my dramatic tone, I hung up before assuring "I'll surely celebrate coming new year with you, I promise". The happiness was evident in her voice and it just pumped me up too.
I changed and clicked the door shut once I was out, I took a deep breath, I only carried my wallet. I don't want anyone's call now, not now at least, I won't be able to control my tears if I heard their voices, mostly Taehyung's, he will sound enthusiast to cheer me up but all I'll do will cry and I don't want him to worry about me, he already have so many obligations and I don't want to burden him with my stupid heart.
I moved to a restaurant that was near the beach and it was fairly crowded, of course it will be, it's vacation time and everyone is smiling, sharing their story being on the stage, some with their families, some with friends, some with their significant other, I feel so welcomed and warm here even though I don't have anyone to accompany, it doesn't alone and away.
It was almost the ending when the manager of the restaurant, played a romantic jazz and called everyone for a dance, and so everybody joined, literally everyone. The welcoming affinity went far from me as if it was waves at shores, they looked so happy as I smiled for a last time before standing up from the mismatched place. I was walking all alone, thinking absolutely nothing, just staring ahead while the wind is brushing against me.
The cool breezes mixed with salt hitting my face, a memory flashed randomly on my mind, the moment when he took me on a drive to that zenith, when we were standing on the edge of the hill, feeling the breezes, when it was all silent back then just like it is now. Just with major differences, like when he sneaked behind me and hugged me tightly whispering compliments, whispering how much we loved each other, when he lovingly kissed my cheeks, when he snuggled his head adoringly on my neck. I was so alive, I was so free in his arms back then.
A tear dropped again and my mind was scolding me again, he was the one who cheated, he was the one who was wrong here, he is at fault, was he?
It questions back, was it really all his mistake, wasn't it because of my behaviour, my nonchalant behaviour, my reluctant demeanour I showed towards him last month, it wasn't intentional but what if I hurt him much more than he did to me, what he thought I was his burden, what if I didn't gave him the space he needed in his hard days, my heart break is Probably because of me, we are responsible for our own pain and loss.
Why am I still thinking about him, only when he is gone, well he ran away from me right, I was ready to fix things while he just pushed me away.
But Why didn't he wanted me back though? My heart asked my brain and just to break my heart into millions of pieces, my wrecked head replied , while pointing fingers on me.
Stupid, He probably never want to fix things because I don't deserve him, maybe he felt strangled with me, maybe he was suffocating with me, maybe he regretted meeting me, it was all cark for him. Was this even real, was his love even real for me.
I was crying miserably on my knees at somewhere on this endless sand trail. My voice was weaker than before, I have to compose myself or do I have to let it out all now. Again a feud between my mind and heart and my heart dictated to cry it all out again but It's enough.........more than enough .
I stood up on my weak knees as I wiped all my tears harshly, It's enough and I am becoming weak, and I can't help it, he was my first love, my only guy, He was my prince charming, but as I mentioned 'he was '.
"They say love makes you stronger, It's all lie"
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