Chapter 33 - Your choice

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I had always thought that having sex changes a relationship in a beautiful kind of way. 

You grow a little closer to one another.
You reveal a little more about yourself.
You feel a little stronger. About the other person, about yourself and about the bond that is between you two. 

It's instinctual, emotional. The expression of love and adoration that takes over because it has reached a certain level. A level, once achieved, you can say 'I love you' in one way or another. But deep down, you know that this love can't be expressed in words anymore. No words could ever do justice to the intensity, to the frightening truth of your feelings. 

So you let go. You get out of your brain, even if it's only for a short time.
To be. Mindfully.
To love. Intentionally.
To simply experience the present moment. Unconditionally. 

And then when you return to your everyday life full of thinking, you crave it again. This small escape from what we call reality. 

But with Alex, reality was equally amazing as everything else. There was no need for an escape. To philosophize about poetry in the library until deep into the night, to work on boring papers or presentations, to talk about simply anything, to go shopping, to cook, to dance...There was nothing I could think about that I didn't enjoy doing with him. When I thought about all the things I still wanted to do with him, I realised that it was quite the opposite. 

And still, I longed for him in every way possible. Especially now, that we had crossed the last line, I couldn't help but see him in a different light. When I closed my eyes I could still recall those moments.

He, as he had given me these heated looks that made my inside flow like sweet honey.
As he had caressed my entire body like some precious treasure. 

His body alone and on mine. 
It's truly amazing how another persons' body, which is built so differently, feels like it's made to be with yours. 

His scent and his noises combined with my own created this special atmosphere that you could only find inbetween the lines of your favorite literature. Those indescribable feelings that come up when you're reading this one sentence, that takes your breath away, over and over again for some unknown reason. Those feelings that you never thought existed and yet, something or someone makes you experience them.

And then you wish that you could write your own book or poem or whatever story it might be about you and that special something. A piece in which every chapter, every page, every sentence and every word would ignite these indescribable feelings in your entire being. Because with this object or with this person, it's not just one sentence in a book of five hundred pages. It's every damn word, every mark and everything that dances between those pages and lingers on your mind when you put it back down to do something else. 

This is exactly how I was doing right now. I couldn't keep my mind from wandering back to this night... And the morning after that quickly became the whole day after. It was almost impossible to resist once we had stopped holding back. And who was I to ask him to stop when he used his gorgeous fingers on me and made me experience pleasure that I had never felt before? Uhh, and those lips, the way they moved to my-

"Can you please stop thinking about sex right now?", Julie's voice made its way to my ear.

Ohh and those...- wait what?!

I looked at her dumbfounded as in 'Have you really just said that?' before I answered defensivly:

"What the hell Julie! Why do you think that I'm thinking about sex?"

"Because I know you, Liz. And even though I'm happy for you that you've finally had it again and concerning your face it must have been fantastic, but I am talking to you as a single and frustrated girl who needs some advice from her best friend, so...", she replied and added a little smirk as I started to blush.   

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