The Road Less Traveled (Prof./Student)

Chapter 37 - Fine.

"Congratulations, we want you!", said the confirmation letter from Mr Collins. I had possibly read it twenty times by now and still resisted accepting the nightmare I was in. 

I didn't feel like celebrating. It was great that they wanted me, still, my thoughts were with another person who wanted me. Alex. 

And I wanted him too, without any doubt. But why was it then so difficult to make a decision? Wasn't it already decided? 

The ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts but when I saw the name on the sceen, I almost bursted into tears again. For a moment I considered simply ignoring him, but what was the point? I had only two weeks. Eventually, I had to tell him anyway. 

"H-hello", I answered the phone and swallowed when I heard his voice.

"Liz, hey. Is everything alright? What was that with Mr Collins? He didn't-", Alex started audibly stressed.

"No, it's not that. He has no idea", I interrupted him reassuringly and heard how he breathed out loudly. 

He was quiet for a few seconds before he asked the question I had feared the most:

"Thank god...What did he want?"

A sob escaped my lips and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I couldn't answer him, otherwise I would have lost it and started crying. So, I stayed silent. 

"Liz?", he tried again and I closed my eyes in pain as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Can I come over?", he asked pleadingly, sensing that something was wrong. 

"..Hm, no", I finally managed to say but it came out like a whisper. I didn't want to push him away but I was also not in the state of telling him..

I heard how he swallowed before he responsed in an almost painful voice:"Please.."

The hurt in his voice was killing me, it was too much to bear. This wasn't his fault. He shouldn't be the one who was suffering. 

"Okay", I barely breathed into the phone and ended the call right after. 

Looking into the mirror, I shrinked at the sight. I was a mess.
I brushed my hair and wiped the smeared mascara under my eyes away to look at least a little bit put together. 

Then I walked outside the apartment door, sat down on the stairs and waited, staring into the void. I let my head rest against the wall next to me and tried to think about the best way to tell him what had happened. But very quickly, I sighed in frustration when nothing useful entered my mind. 

How should I explain this when I didn't even know the answers myself?

The sound of the main door opening and closing suddenly disturbed the silence. I felt myself becoming rigid as he climbed the stairs and when he arrived at my floor, he stopped at the beginning of the stairs and looked up at me. 

"Have you been crying?", he asked astonished and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from starting to again. 

Within a second, I stood up, closed the distance between us, wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. Immediately, his arms moved around me.

"Hey...do you want to talk about it?", he asked while his fingers drew soothing circles on my back.

Unable to say anything, I buried my head deeper into his chest and, shakily, breathed in and out.

"Please, love...please talk to me. It hurts to see you like this", he whispered and I backed away. 

In my hand I was still holding the confirmation letter. Without a word, I handed it to him. He looked at me confused but then, he started reading.