Kiss like Thunder & Ice | Jikook |

32. Always In My Head

Jungkook

Life was unpredictable!

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't naiv, I knew it from the day my parents told me that my grandma suddenly past away and it crashed all my carefreeness in one Second.
At that time I was just an innocent seven years old boy who came back from his football training with dirt still stuck on his face. That day taught me to be always ready for the unforeseen.
But was I prepared for the running heart in my chest? Or the overwhelming tightness in my stomach, when I looked him in the eyes? And was I ready for the moment I knew, I fucked up...

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》Back in the cafeteria《

"Mom?"

"Yes my dear. Are you surprised?" She asked with an excited smile. She rised her brows when I didn't replied. "I am here to get you. Aren't you happy to see your mother?" She said and took a step forward.

"Uhm, sure. It's just..." I tried to explain but couldn't continue properly because of my still hard one in my pents.

"What is it honey?" My mother asked now a bit worried and I bite down on my bottom lip and thought hard how to escape this embarrassing situation.

When she noticed that I didn't moved a bit and just looked at her dumbfounded she furrowed her brows and scanned me up and down.

Her brows rised surprisingly, what caused an blush on my face.
So she noticed.
I facepalmed myself internally.

"It couldn't get more embarrassing!" I thought to myself.

My mother teared her eyes away to look at nothing specific in the back of the cafeteria and handed me her expensive coat awkwardly.

I did noticed the smirk that creeped up her face but she tried to suppress it at last.

"Thanks," I said totally embarrassed and swung the coat over my forearm to hide my crotch area from others eyes.

"Are you in love?" My mother asked suddenly.

I frozed and looked at her dumbfounded like a dear that was caught in the spotlight.
"It seems like you like someone pretty, pretty much." She explained it with a knowing grin and I opend my mouth but couldn't say anything.
The dirty thoughts I had a few moments ago hunted my mind and for a simple second I was afraid she knew everything.

"This pretty someone that caused this problem," she added and I rised my brows at the realization.
"No!" I said a bit to fast.

"Jungkook-ah its totally okay to date someone." She pursed her lips. "Or just hooking up." Her voice now quietly and my mouth left an annoying groan. "You know, I saw a video of you kissing someone on a party," she explained carefully and it caused another groan to leave my mouth. How could this video even get in her hands?

"Mom I don't..." I tryed to stay calmly and took a deep breath. "I don't date someone."

"Why though?"

Should I tell her right away that I'm fucking a guy that is prettier then every girl in this damn collage and I couldn't get the butterflys out of my stomach when I even thought of him? But I decided to just say "I'm just not interested in this stuff with any girl."
At last I wasn't lying completely.

She looked at the exit where In-Ha probably had left. "But the girl looked pretty and seemed to like you a lot and your body isn't really averse, I can tell.." she continued.
I couldn't care less about In-Ha and her feelings towards me. It pissed me off that I got addicted to a boy and can't just have an openly relationship with him.

"Mom! I really mean it. I don't date someone and I don't want someone. I don't even like someone!" I said a bit to harshly and regretted it the same moment the word's left my mouth.

To ease the tension I said the first thing that crossed my mind. "Maybe just hooking up and fooling around, but nothing serious," I added more calmly this time trying to convince myself more then my mother with this hilarious explanation.

I looked up and was about to apologize for the outburst earlier, when I coughed the beautiful pair of eyes that hunted my mind for days now.
His disappointment glimpse bored directly through my chest and I wanted to scream out loud of annoyance. I clatched tightly around the fabric of the coat to hold back a loud curse when he turned on his heels and ran out of the cafeteria. My mind was clouded with his painfull eyes and I wanted nothing more as to ran after him and explaining everything.

But I couldn't.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath already feeling the tightness in my chest and the regret, that will hunt me into my dreams.
Could it get even worst? My mother thought I was a horny disrespectful freak and Jimin probably thought I was just a fucking jerk who didn't even deserve an angel like him. And both of them aren't even wrong.
"Great done" I thought to myself.

I apologized to my mother with a hanging head and stood up to follow her. I didn't realized we came to a halt in front of the changing room from the football team, when she tapped my shoulders and nodded her head in the direction of the door, that I recognized in a bliss of moment.
Don't ask me how she knew the way. My mother was just a few times visiting this college and that was on my first day and the few importent football games she came to support me.

"Make it qick." She said and I nodded and open the door.
"Will be back in 5" I said and made already my way to my locker. I was glad I alway had spare clothes for the case I wanted to practice after school or just hangout with my friends after practice.

With a new pair of pents and a now calmed crotch area, I stepped out the changing room. My mother waited for me patented and greeted me with a warm smile. "Should we?" She asked and I nodded not having the strength to ask her where we are going and why she even showed up.

When we walked silently side by side through the corridors of the college I thought what should I do with Jimin or would I be able to even solve it this time.

My mothers voice brought me out of my deep dilemma.
"I have something to show you at home," she said with a smile. "It would maybe lighten up your mood."

"I'm not in a bad mood, it's just..." I tried hard to explain it properly without confessing to her. " It's just that I think I'm putting myself constantly in disadvantageous situations and hurting myself and even others."

She nodded understanding and pursed her lips in thought.

She looked at me for a moment before starting to speak. "Focus on the core problem."

"What does it even mean?"

"Uhm, sometimes we concentrate to much on the current problems, that we disregard the main source." She explained wise as usual and I nodded in agreement.
"You can ran after every problem and try to fix it, or you can halt and take your time to think what were all the reasons behind the problem. If it's all leading to the same, you should maybe stop chasing them and solve the real cause." Her words were floating through my mind and cleared a few dusted brain cells. Deeply in thoughts we aproached my mothers car when she stopped and turned arond to me.

"Jungkook-ah, you can always choose the easier way and get just the current problem fixed, but let me tell you something. One day it will be not repairable anymore." She said with a sad smile as if she knew the meaning behind her own words. As if she felt it herself.
I felt suddenly the urge to hug her and so did I. Her mouth left a warm giggle and it vibrated on my chest and let me chuckle as well.

"Mom, why do you always know the right things to say?"

She giggled again and broke our hug to look up at me. "You are like a little version of myself my son. And if I'm be honest, we all have to go through such a miserable state to get to our adulthood."

I arched a single brow. "Are you trying to say I'm going through the state of puberty? This phase is long gone!"

Know was her turn to chuckle. "No. I mean the state of love."

My brain stopped functioning at her voice. I just hopped in the passenger's seat and watched her getting in the car as well.

Am I in love?