Kiss like Thunder & Ice | Jikook |

15. Lavender Scent ♠️

Jimin

I let him in.

I wanted to feel the pain on my skin that would maybe eclipsed the string around my heart.
It wasn't a feeling of deceive, more a anxiety of could be replaced every moment, that caused the bitter taste in my throat.

He hesitated as he entered my bedroom and already started a conversation, like we had everytime when we met in the park.
But I shut him down, as I put an eye mask on and turned around to face him.

I didn't saw his expression and didn't heard anything from him either. But after a long moment I felt suddenly a soft touch from his fingertips, driving there way through my hair.
"Let's quit it for today, hmm?" He said softly and I felt my heart aching badly by the tenderness.

"Not today." I thought, "not after you kissed an other person," and opend my mouth just to take his favorite whip between my teeth.

"Do you really need it that badly?" He asked with a resonated trail of disappointment in his words. But I was to dazed to recognize it.
I was full of sadness and the numb feeling of defenselessness to hear what was wrong with him.

I nodded nevertheless after a few seconds and already felt him taking a bunch of strands in his fist and suddenly pulled them back.

"Take of your pents," he commanded near my left ear and I frightened took in my breath.
What was he about to do? Is he serious?

With a mixture of tension and a bit excitement I opend my belt and let the fabric sliding down my legs. The thin material from my underwear was the only thing that covered the lower area of my body.

"Honestly I wasn't in the mood for our thing tonight," he whispered while embracing my waist and I felt another lash in my heart. The more we get closer, the more my desire for him grows.
I let my mind spinned a thin thread of whishes, where we could holding each others hands or even going on a date openly. Where I could hug him and he would let me kiss his incredible lips, I was curious of the taste for a long time now.
And this was the worst part that happened tonight. I let myself indulge in imaginations and didn't noticed at time, that my head was already stucked in delight of desires that would never happen to me. His deep voice brought me back to the sad and austere reality, that hurted more then the thousandth whips.

"But now I'm willing to give you what you want, baby."
This was the moment that caused a black memory I never wanted to remind me of it again.
A weak person that was dependent of someone horrible and let himself been used und treated like the last piece of trash.

The feeling of him hugging and caressing me, was the completely opposite emotion and felt so good, too good, that I could got addicted to it.
But in the same time it teared my chest apart, because I knew, that I would never be the person he could fell in love with and be the partner at his side.

He leand forward and brushed a few stands of my bangs back and I smelled the alcohol on him.
The smell of beer reached my nose and I missed his usually sweet and fresh scent in that moment.

"Count," is all his mouth left and I was preparing myself for the blow and waiting for him taking the whip out of my mouth.

But then without a warning, I felt the burning pain on the skin of my back cheeks with a harshly slapping sound.

"I didn't heard you." He groaned and caressed softly the left side of my butt.

"One~" I breathed out and was about to process what was happening. But he didn't gave me any time and slapped me once again.

"Two."

"You asked for it," he said with reluctance and continued slapping me with his palm.

Just the sound of hitting flesh and my fragile voice that counting every whip, was heard in the room.

It was scary how he let himself driving away and didn't recognized my state this time. He wasn't sober, but he wasn't that drunk either. He just let himself carry away with every hit, till my lips left a quiet peep of the number thirty-one.

My legs felt week like jelly and the area of my lower back burned badly, like the skin would teared apart every moment.
He groaned exhausted and leand his forehead on my neck with heavy breaths.
I let him embraced me from behind and tenderly painted gentle circles on my clothed upper abdomen.

"I.. I am really sorry." He breath it out and my heart stopped beating for a second. "I don't know what came into me. I ... I was to rou..."

I cut him off and didn't let him ending his apology. "Please go," I brought out with my last strength.

"Wha... Jimin I didn't mean it."
I felt him tensing up and tightening his grip on my body. "You didn't use the code word, so I just..."

"Please Jungkook, leave."
I said it with a stabil voice this time and didn't let him say a second word.
I pushed myself out of his grip and ran as fast as I could in my bathroom and looked the door behind me.

I didn't think it would ever happen to me again.
I'm about to fall in love with someone who can never see me, for who I really am.

And this is only my own fault.

With falling unstoppable tears I took in a long breath and blew the flame of my last purple candle out. The wonderful scent of lavender flowers was drowned out by the smell of smoke and my burning heart.