Just be there

Casey

As I turn down the street to my house, I hear an ambulance approaching rapidly. I pull over to let them pass. As I pull back onto the street to drive the short distance to my house, my heart stops when they pull into my driveway and run inside. What the fuck is happening?

I park my car on the street, so I don't block in the ambulance. I start to jog to the door to determine what is wrong when it opens. Two of my dad's coworkers that I recognize but can't remember the names of. Carrying a stretcher.

Izzie. I feel as if the ground opens up under my feet, like the earth is swallowing me whole. It is as if suddenly I am free falling without a parachute. How? I see Sam walk out behind the paramedics who are loading a very pale Izzie into their ambulance.

He's talking to me but I can't hear him. It's almost like I'm underwater and he's very far away. I hear an odd wailing sound. Is someone crying? Oh wait. That's me. Suddenly I feel two arms wrap around me tightly from behind. "Tighter or looser?" I finally hear Sam say into my ear. "Tighter" I choke out finally. Sam holds me tighter.

What the fuck happened? Is she....? Please, please, let her be alive.

I feel Sam guiding me back towards my car. "Come on, I'll drive you to the emergency room" He says as he opens the passenger door and guides me into my seat.

As Sam drives, painfully slowly, I finally find calm down enough to ask. "What happened?" I say. "I'm not sure, I found on her lying on the bathroom floor. There was an empty bottle of pills next to a glass of water on the counter, so I think she may have taken too many. She was breathing when I found her, but her pulse was super weak. So I called 911." Sam says this all matter of factly, but I can see the sadness in his eyes.

Fuck, Izzie why? She has been doing so well for the last nine months...why today? Was there something that I had missed? Something I should have paid more attention to?

When we get to the hospital we walk into the emergency room and I ask the lady about Izzie. She says they don't know anything yet and directs us to a waiting room.

Sam sits next to me and begins snapping his rubber band and puts on his headphones. I realize I should call Izzie's grandma. How do I tell her?

I dial the number Izzie gave me several months ago, and listen while it's ringing. "Hello?" I hear her say on the other line. I swallow trying to get the words out. "Hello?" I hear her say again. Sam looks up at me curiously, I don't know why I can't get the words out. I choke as if they are stuck in my throat, sobs threatening to break free from my throat again.

Sam looks at me with confusion and than takes the phone from me. He explains what happened to Izzie's grandma and hangs up. "Thanks" I whisper. Sam nods. "I'm your big brother, you need me right now" He says simply, and I lean against his shoulder.

Sam also calls our mom, and texts Zahid to let them know what's going on. I blink in surprise when a few minutes later my dad and Evan walk in. They see us and walk towards us.

"We heard the call come in, but we were in the middle of another emergency. We got here as soon as we could." My dad says sitting on the other side of me, leaning over to squeeze my shoulder. "How are you holding up?" He asks me gently.

I shrug. I can't even begin to answer that question. Evan sits across from me and gives me a gentle smile. "They're going to do everything they can to help her, Case. You just have to a little faith right now." Evan leans towards me as he speaks and gives my knee a comforting squeeze.

Ten minutes later my mom comes running in and joins our group. She has tears in her eyes. About five more minutes after that Izzie's grandma, Luca, Gabi, and Charlie walk in. They all look very sad other than Charlie. Charlie will turn three soon, but is still young enough to not be able to fully understand the situation.

My mom hugs Alice, Izzie's grandmother, and Alice turns to me so I stand up and she hugs me as well. As I go to sit down, Charlie walks up to me with her arms up. So I sit down with her in my lap and cuddle her.

Not even three minutes later Zahid walks over, looking uncharacteristically somber. He asks if we know anything yet before sitting down by Sam.

I look around the now crowded section of the waiting room that we are taking up. How did she not know that we all care about her? She can't leave me. We have barely begun. I don't want a year and a half with her. I want a lifetime. Marriage, kids, maybe a cat. Everything. We are supposed to die in each other's arms when we are old and senile.

What is taking so long?