Love you more

3: Well, I thought that was hell!

I don't remember the days after my mom's death. Ravi maamaa took care of everything.

I didn't realize my cousin Sai had accompanied Ravi maamaa. I only noticed him when he carried me to the burial ground and held me throughout the ceremony, letting me soak his shirt with tears.

I locked myself up and refused to eat or meet my friends.

Ravi maamaa came to see me after five days. He carried a glass of juice.

"Drink this." I shook my head. He sat down next to me. He looked dejected. I realized with empathy that this must be hard on him too.

"You need to take tablets, you can't do that on an empty stomach."

I drank the juice. He handed the tablets in silence.

"Come down, your friends are waiting to see you. It will help."

I didn't protest, he took my hand and helped me. Alex, Aarav, and Olivia were waiting for me with Sai. They looked at me timidly.

"Hi guys," I said.

Tears rolled down Olivia's cheek as she rushed to hug me. "Are you hungry? I bought hot chocolate for you".

"Sure," I said, not to hurt her feelings.

"Let me reheat it," said Oliviya and went into the kitchen. 

Truly meeting them helped, the pain didn't get any less, but I felt bearable.

Aarav said cautiously, "Anu, Dr. Peter recommended you attend therapy."

"Ok"

"You will?"

"Yes."

I don't know why he sounded surprised. My mom was a psychiatrist and she had complained about her many patients who refused help despite needing it.

It was painful to think of mom, but the truth is I wanted to think of her. I didn't want to avoid thinking of her. Her memories are all that were left of her and I wanted to feel good and smile when I thought of her. I owed her that.

Alec was looking at me strangely, I smiled at him; it felt strange to smile. He hugged me, mumbling, "I missed you, Anu."

Ravi maamaa left to take care of some procedure. Everyone else accompanied me to the therapy session.

"I don't understand why you are all coming with me. You won't even be allowed inside."

"We will find something to do," said Sai patronizingly.

To my surprise, Ravi maamaa was waiting for me too when my therapy ended.

"Let's have lunch."

"Yes, I am starving, shall we go to the Maharaja's?" asked Oliviya.

"No! I am not eating Indian food in Canada," said Sai indignantly.

"Let's head to my parent's spaghetti place," said Alec.

Mrs. Creed hugged me saying "It's good to see you, dear." I could swear that I have been hugged more times today than my whole life put together.

"Nice place," commented Sai.

Mrs. Creed brought my favourite dish even before we placed our order. Spaghetti with special tomato sauce and garlic bread with extra cheese.

"Alec called ahead."

For someone who's been starving for a week, it was heaven. It took only a few minutes for me to clear my plate.

Aarav and Sai were discussing Niagara falls and other tourist attractions in Ontario.

"Let's go to Niagara," I said.

Everyone looked at me in surprise, even I was surprised.

Alec offered to carry me but I refused, opting to stay in the garden. Ravi maamaa stayed back with me while everyone went for a boat ride.

"We should head back to India," said Ravi maamaa after a long silence.

I knew he cannot stay with me forever, but still, it felt hollow. "Yes, don't worry about me I will be fine."

"I meant 'we', including you. I can't leave you here alone, Anu. You are family."

My throat constricted. The truth was I didn't want to live alone, but going to India, leaving everything behind; I wasn't sure.