Love you more

23: Drunken dreams

I never knew I was melodramatic. I cried myself to sleep. It was almost dinner time when I woke up. I didn't feel like eating.

Senthil never once showed even the slightest interest in me. But now he claims he loved me all along, and he thinks we shouldn't be together. It hurt almost like losing my mother, but the only difference is I wanted to feel better then, but now the pain was almost welcoming.

There was a knock on my door, I pretended to sleep.

"Anni."

I still pretended as Saranya came and lightly tapped me calling me again. There was no way I could continue pretending. I slowly got up.

"Anni, are you alright? Paati said you were not feeling well."

"Just tired." I couldn't bring myself to say I was fine, clearly, anyone with eyes could see I was not.

"Is she awake?" Sai asked as he came in.

"Are you ok now?"

Don't you both have eyes? Do I look ok? I wanted to lash out. But I was not angry with them. It would be unfair of me to lash out at them for being rejected.

"Tired," I repeated.

"I bought some porridge," Saranya said, opening a tiffin box.

"What are you doing here so late?" asked Sai to Saranya.

Was it late? I looked up at the clock. It read 9:00 PM. Well! This was quite late for an Indian village girl.

Saranya hesitated, "I heard anni was not well, I came to see how she was doing."

Sai narrowed his eyes and said, "So your half-wit brother sent you here as an envoy."

Saranya squirmed uncomfortably. "You must be hungry, have some porridge while it's warm," she hurriedly changed the subject.

I spooned a few mouthfuls not wanting to hurt her feelings, before pushing it away.

"I will see you tomorrow, anni," Saranya said, standing to leave.

"Come, I will drop you home," Sai stood up too.

"No, Senthil anna is waiting for me outside"

"If your brother ever shows his face here again, tell him I will mangle it for him," Sai threatened.

"Sai, please," I mumbled.

"I brought some drinks, let's head upstairs," Sai said to me.

Saranya looked shocked at the beer bottles Sai was holding before leaving. We headed to the terrace. I gasped as I saw Sai in the light. There was a cut on his lip and his knuckles were bruised.

"What happened, Sai?"

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"It's really nothing, Anu. Let's get started."

"Did Senthil do this to you?" I was livid, will he at least leave out tormenting Sai.

He hesitated before answering, "You looked low when he left, I confronted him and might have threatened him. One thing led to another. I had my fair share of punches too."

I don't know whether I was angry, sad, or frustrated. Maybe I felt it all. Why do things have to be so complicated? A guy rejected me! I must have been able to scoff saying "daah!" But here I am crying my eyes out, skipping my meals, dragging Sai in, making everyone worry.

I opened a bottle and gulped the whole thing in a single go. We got drunk on beer! I must have drunk like 9 bottles.

I was flying. I was a bird. I open my mouth to sing the beautiful melody.

"Kaa.." came a guttural noise.

Who is disturbing my melody, I open my mouth again, "kaa.."

I giggled, I became a crow! A bird nonetheless. "Kaa.. kaa.."

"Stop fidgeting, Anu, I can't hold you, I might drop you."

"Senthil! What are you doing in the sky? Are you flying too? Kaa... Kaa.."

I felt myself land, "No! I want to fly. kaa.. kaa.."

I was sitting on a fluffy white cloud, "Senthil, you should sit on the cloud too.."

He stood up to fly. "Don't leave me," I begged. But he left.

I wanted to fly again, I jumped from the sky. "Ka.. aah." Pain shot through me.

"What are you doing?"

"I fell from the sky. My wings! My poor wings!"

"You are cute even when you are talking nonsense."

"You left me even in my dream," A single tear swept down my cheek.

"Why don't you want me, Senthil? I feel like I am dying slowly."

"Don't say that."

"It hurts here."

"I want you Anu, I want to be with you every moment of my life."

I giggled, "This dream is good. You first leave me and say you want to be with me. Crows are lucky."

"You are not dreaming, want to pinch me to check?"

"Hehe, I have a better idea. Come here I want to bite you."

"Bite me?"

I giggled again. "I want to bite. Dogs won't bite you."

I pulled him closer and sank my teeth. He didn't flinch or move. Didn't even make a sound.

"See, I am dreaming. Why won't you leave me alone even in my dreams."

"You want me to leave or don't want me to leave?"

"I want this." I hugged him. "It feels so good." I tried to pull him over me.

"Anu, stop"

"You don't want me even in my dreams," I started crying noisily.

"Shh! You are not dreaming, you are drunk."

"You didn't even flinch when a dog bites you."

"It doesn't hurt me as much as staying away from you does. I am not good enough for you."

"You are a melo."

"You are the one to say."

"Senthil, I love you. Don't leave me."

"Anu, Why do you love someone like me? I am broke, I am not even good-looking."

"I like dogs"

"You should sleep."

"Please don't leave me."

"I won't. I promise. I am done running away."

I felt warm, "Sun is warm. Dog won't bite you."

"Sleep now, my angel. Love you more." I felt his warm lips kissing both my cheeks. I closed my eyes feeling content and slept.

This is why people get drunk when they feel sad. Make you see and hear the things you want. Some call it a dream, others say it's a hallucination. But I say it's the best escape from reality.