COTE : Elites War - Oblivion [Hiatus]

SS Ichinose Honami

"From now on, don't hesitate and move forward, and meet me next year. Will you promise me?"

UGH!!!

I awoke from a long dream. My breath is sloppy, my eyes are puffy, and my cheeks are wet from tears; I wiped them away and subconsciously muttered his name.

I sat with my head down, embracing myself, seeking the last remaining warmth.

Stupid.

Why do I have to cry over that person all the time?

The orange afternoon sun reflected by the ocean was still vivid in my mind as I waited for Ayanokouji-kun's response. On the one hand, it was a beautiful sight, but on the other, I have to remember that moment as an unexpected wound.

My heart must be shattered.

I've decided to give him my heart. That day, I even betrayed my group to save him.

But I know he didn't ask me to do that in the first place.

You're an idiot Honami.

Why did you start expecting from him?

Is it because of his generosity? Because I want his attention and affection?

But what makes him so nice to me?

Why?

Then what was the meaning of the promise he made earlier?

This unique sensation, the sense that he regards me as more than a friend.

Have I been misunderstood all this time?

In my head, the question kept repeating itself, like a never-ending loop.

"Hiks...," Again, I sobbed.

How will I face Ayanokouji in school later?

Tomorrow the first day of school will start, my friends must be worried because I've locked myself away during this holiday. I didn't leave my room at all, except for really important business.

I'm wondering if there's still a chance. Can I continue to hope? But I'm aware that it's impossible. My chance had passed me by a long time ago.

I know this is wrong. I'm just a selfish person.

In the past, I had turned down a love confession from someone. After experiencing the pain for myself, I understood why, when I wanted to avoid her without responding, Ayanokouji instructed me to reject the girl outright.

If I simply avoided her feelings at the time, she would continue to hope. While hoping without certainty will only lead to harm. The longer you hold it, the larger the wound will become.

And now my love is depleted.

I'm not sure I'll be able to recover from this sadness soon.

To be honest, I'm not a strong person, and my heart is extremely fragile. Because of the trust of my friends, I've been able to fight until now.

I, too, have confessed my feelings for them because they have given me courage. Then, can I get better?

Knock! Knock!

"Ichinose-san? Are you awake?" Chihiro-chan's voice was heard.

"Hey, since today is the last day of vacation. My friends and I have already planned a class party. Do you want to come along?"

For several days, Chihiro-chan never failed to visit my room and inquire about my well-being; she also informed me about the activities of my other friends. I gripped the blanket tighter, hiding my face once more. I'm ashamed of my timidity.

Sorry Chihiro-chan, you can't see my weakness.

Because the reality was Ichinose Honami is not the leader of class B, she's just a failed coward.

17-09-2021