I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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I LIKE Lexi but waking up to her this morning didn't have the same vibe as waking up next to Arlo this past week.
She complained about the mattress springs and blasted her blow dryer at seven AM. I suffocated myself with the pillow and tried to close out all of the sounds but instead images of last night crept into my mind.
"I loved that. I love you."
Why did I say that? What the fuck? I couldn't stop replaying those words and cringing. Afterwards he didn't mention it, maybe that's what we're doing, ignoring them... pretending it didn't happen. I could live with that.
"Hey, I got you both hot chocolates from the dining hall. You're still in bed Fearne? People are packing up the bus." I sat up and pulled my hair back into a high ponytail, tying it with a thin black hair tie that I kept on my wrist. Cam handed both Lexi and me a foam cup and I watched the steam lift from mine before blowing it away.
"Where is... everyone?" I asked, watching ringlets form on the surface of my hot chocolate, acting casual.
"Roughly translated to where's Arlo?" Lexi smiled slyly and then took a small sip of her drink. I took a small sip, it tasted vapid and needed a few spoonfuls of sugar. I had gotten used to not limiting my sugar intake while living here.
"Still in the cabin, Jamie is teasing Arlo about his bedsheets, Liam is stressing about getting everything packed and Jordan is winding everyone up." He lay down on my bed and kicked off his shoes.
"His bedsheets?" Lexi asked.
"There's blood on them or some shit, dunno what happened there but whatever." My nose almost inhaled the hot chocolate with how low I bowed my head.
I could feel Lexi giving me questionable glances but I ignored her and embarrassment hit me like a truck.
Did I bleed bad? I was still sore down there today, it wouldn't surprise me if I bled bad but last night it didn't really hurt. Not that bad. Has everyone seen it? Did they know? Were they laughing at me?
"We need to go." Lexi interrupted my thoughts with rational thinking. I picked up my duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder. Heading towards the bus lineup.
About ten people had already formed a line at the busses, all waiting to put their bag in the under compartment. It might be the foster kid inside me but I hated leaving my belongings there, in a place so easy to steal from.
I breathed in the fresh air of the crisp, spring morning. The clouds looked fluffy and white against a cyan sky and with this new day I couldn't help but feel different.
Like my body had developed and somehow now I felt more womanly. I had a post-sex glow that I didn't even think was caused entirely from the sex. I think it was just Lakeland in general and all that it brought.
