Hearts Of Gold h.s

Chapter 44

E

I've never hated the rain.

I actually enjoy it more than most people I suppose. The sound, the smell, the feeling of droplets on my skin mixed with the warm air. I love it.

But, it's fucking freezing out. There is no warm air. There is absolutely nothing calm about the rain landing on my skin and the pavement surrounding me.

If anything, the loud noise of the rain smacking the ground is adding to the mere chaos that I'm feeling in every inch of my body.

I can't catch a fucking break. I'll tell you that much.

Niall tried to stop me as I put on the first pair of shoes I saw and left the apartment. He tried to grab onto my arm and pull me back towards the living room, but I needed out. I couldn't stay there, holed up in my room, feeling the mass amount of confusion and sadness my mind was going through.

He probably knew exactly where I was going. There was no point in stopping me or chasing after me.

I just needed to clear my head and I really needed Harry.

My feet started to pick up speed involuntarily. I was running through the freezing cold rain, feeling the goosebumps raise all over my skin.

I can't breathe.

The cold air mixed with the freezing water falling from the sky made my lungs burn. It felt like my body was on fire from the inside out.

But the fire is cold. It burns just the same, but everything is cold.

Have you ever felt water that was so hot that it almost felt cold? It's like stepping in a hot tub during the cold December months. The heat stings and makes your whole body go into shock for just a moment.

Everything is cold. My heart, my soul, my skin.

I feel like I can't even see anything happening around me. Nothing is in my mind except for Harry. I just need to get to Harry.

That's the only thing keeping my legs from giving out on me. He's the only thing making the burning in my lungs feel manageable.

I can feel cold strands of my hair sticking to my forehead and neck. The rain continues to fall harder and harder; drenching every inch of my skin exposed to the bitter world.

My steps stop and I automatically hunch over, feeling my body become over exhausted.

I can't fucking breathe.

Everything around me is spinning, everything hurts. Every single muscle in my body feels like a hot iron rod is slicing through them.

My feet start moving again anyway. Despite the ache in my entire body, inside and out, my feet keep moving.

"Harry, Harry, Harry" I start mumbling to myself, needing him to take away the shaking in my hands, to fix the hole in my heart. I don't even think I deserve to be running to him like this. I broke him. I ripped what he had apart and threw it into a pit of fire.

I don't deserve to be forgiven, but that doesn't stop the need to be with him, the need to see him in person. The absolute desire to feel his warmth in my heart.

My legs continue to move and don't slow down until I see his apartment building come into view. I feel like I'm about to stop breathing. Right when I need my lungs to keep working with me for a few more minutes, I feel like they're about three breaths away from shrivelling up and quitting on me.

Just a bit further.

I get into the lobby of his building, feeling the warmth of the air comfort my chilled skin. I also feel the stares. I'm sure I look absolutely crazy, soaking wet and breathing more erratically than I ever have before.