(𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐒 𝐏𝐨𝐯)
"Its not the end of the world mama. I promise we'll raise this baby together, we goin be aight you'll see", my bestfriend comforted me.
At this point I had already accepted the situation at hand even though a part of me still wished this was just a big bad nightmare that I would awake from and everything would be back to normal.
Thoughts of 'should I tell Nique about this pregnancy or not?' have been taunting my mind but no matter our situation he had a right to know.
I hate how he made me feel. I hate that I'm going through this alone. I hate that he left me with all this love that belonged to nobody else but him and there seems to be no way to drain it or him out of my system.
I glanced at the Abortion Clinic website for the last time before I closed my laptop.
"He deserves to know", were words that were going throughout my mind every single second.
I stood up and wore my jacket ready to go.
"Where you headed?", Pierre looked at me suprised.
"I'm going to talk to him about this", I left my bestfriend sitting on my bed.
I got into my car and led straight to Nique's place.
Upon arrival my anxiety was skyrocketing.
I sat in my car, holding onto my steering wheel taking deep breathes.
I gathered the strength to get out of my car and to knock on his front door.
The fact that I hadn't seen him in so long made me want to just open this door already. Besides what he put me through.
I heard the door unlock and it revealed him. He looked very startled to see me.
It went silent between us for what felt like eons and counting.
"Hi", I fidgeted with my jacket's round buttons.
"Hi",
"I need to talk to you. Its really important", I spoke but I couldn't help but notice that he was not his usual self.
He had small bags under his eyes, looking like he hasn't had enough rest for the longest time. We could both use some rest.
"Come in", he moved out of the way letting me enter.
We both went to sit down.
"How you been?", he asked me.
I've been horrible.
I've been going through the most.
"Okay. You?", I asked him.
"I don't know..."he answered.
"Dominique!? Oh here you are, I just wanna say thank you so much for letting me stay the night", a girl in an extremely short dress with long maroon hair that probably went down her butt came to view adjusting her short dress.
He already moved on?
So quick?
I looked at him and it went silent again.
"Uhm hi.", she greeted me.
I didn't say anything because I felt like I had literally frozen in place. "Well uhm my Ubër driver is already outside. Thank you again", she gave him a smile and all he did was nod his head awkwardly.
And she left.
"I'm leaving", I stood up.
He kept quiet with his head low and his face in his hands.
I headed for the door and he didn't even try to stop me.
I feel like seeing what I saw today put the last nail on my coffin... or on our baby's coffin. The last bit of hope was snatched right out of my helpless hands.
Before I knew it I had budged into my apartment with tears roughly streaming down my face.
"Whats wrong?!"
"He's moved on. And this is all the confirmation I needed to go ahead with it. Because I'm done for good.", I yelled while hysterically crying.
"What do you mean go ahead with it? Is it about Dominique?",
"I'm so done with every and anything that has to do with him. I swear!", I wiped my tears away but they wouldn't stop falling.
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I sat in the room. Taking in the scent that reminded me of my mother's cancer.
I hated this place.
While sitting on the hospital bed, in what felt like forever the doctor finally came in.
"Are you okay?", she asked me and I nodded my head 'yes' even though I wasn't.
"If you still have doubts about this its very normal but at the same time if you feel so strongly about not wanting to do this anymore then that's still fine", I felt like she was trying to talk me out of this.
"No no, I'm good. I'm ready.", I breathed out after my sentence trying to ease out any feelings of nervousness I felt.
"Alright then. When it's happening I need you to take deep breaths, you will feel very uncomfortable but it's part of the procedure. Alright?", she softly spoke to me.
This was it.
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
The doctor had a clipboard in her hand in which she was writing and ticking off things that I didn't know about and which I wasn't interested to know of too.
It was done.
My baby was gone, forever.
He or she deserved to be brought into this world in a much better situation than this, in a loving home that was going to welcome him/her with open arms and give him/ her everything I never had.
Today I got to go home, I needed to leave this place.
A day ago I had a procedure done to me that is called "D&C" (Dilation and Curettage). This was a procedure to remove tissue from a women's uterus,most times when she just had a miscarriage or an abortion.
Just having that procedure done to me just proved that everything was real... it hurt that things had to turn out like this.
What I do know is ,I wanted my baby to be born in a loving home that has two parents because that's what they deserved. I didn't want my baby to go through what I went through.
I made an oath to myself that I wouldn't have a child out of wedlock or in an unstable relationship. And if that made me look like a bad person then so be it.
"As I mentioned before, you'll be referred to our hospital therapist or one of your choice and comfortability. But do make sure you go see someone. It may have been your decision to do this but it still doesn't make it any easier. All will be well", she softly rubbed my shoulder and left me alone in the ward I was placed in.
Feeling the sting of regret I wiped away the tears that were on my face and hoped for better days...
I know it was my own decision but the heavy feeling on my shoulders and the guilt that I'm already feeling is unavoidable and unshakable.
What's done is done but... it hurts. Bad.
■■■
-𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓮𝓳𝓸𝓜𝓮8🖤
-𝐕𝐨𝐭𝐞.🖤
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞.🖤
