Daddy Issues

43| Hospital

Iɴᴅɪᴀ Jᴏʜɴsᴏɴ

I get to the hospital and just sit in my car for a while, looking for the energy to head in.

"Miss Johnson." A nurse says and I look up. "He's awake. You're more than welcome to see him now." She says and I nod. "Thank you. I just need a minute." I say and she nods before leaving.

I rest my elbows on my thighs and then put my face in my hands. I'm exhausted.

I take a deep breath and head to the cafeteria to wait in the line for some coffee.

After paying the lady gives me a sympathetic smile as I leave.

I head up to his ward and wait outside the ward for a minute. I don't know if I have it in me to go in there just yet.

When I find it in me to take the steps in. I stand at the end of his bed and immediately feel sick.

I grew up with a junkie for a dad but he never looked as bad as he does now.

He's pale and black rings around his eyes. He coughs into his hand and I suck in a breath.

"India?" He asks and I nod. "Oh my god, you've changed so much." He says and I nod. "So I've been told." I say and he gestures to the chair beside his bed.

I slip into the chair and start sipping my coffee.

"How have you been?" He asks and I nod. "Great actually." I say and he coughs again.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask and he nods. "Coronary artery disease." He sayd and I sigh. "It's from the drugs." He admits.

"I was on the road to recovery, but I had a heart attack. My recovery coach found me and called an ambulance." He says and I sigh.

"My arteries are clogged. I need a new liver and kidneys. My heart is obviously damaged. It's not looking good." He admits and I look away from him.

Why? Why does this have to happen to me?

"I just wanted to see you." He says reaching for my hand. "And apologise. I need to apologise for that night." He says and I sigh. "Please don't. I can't do this." I say standing up and pulling my hand away from him.

"Please." He pleads and I look at his frail body and I feel sick.

"There is no word to express how sorry I am. I'm so sorry for how I ruined all of your guy's lives. You didn't deserve it. India I'm sorry for what I did. I understand if you hate me. I do. But I love you and I'm so so sorry. Before I go... that's all I need to go." He says and I raise an eyebrow.

"You, your mom, your brother. You all deserve better than me. You akways did." He says and I blink back tears.

"I have a boyfriend." I admit sitting back down. "You would like him. Well at least I hope you would. He's sweet to us all, he's understanding. I'll bring him to meet you soon " I say and my dad smiles. "I'd like that." He says re taking my hand.

"I've got a job in a little coffee shop." I say and he smiles. "Really?" He asks and I nod. "That's great, do you like it?" He asks and I nod again. "I do." I smile and he squeezes my hand.

"I've missed you." He says and my heart melts. "And your mom, even your god damn brother." He says and I laugh.

"I can't believe I've missed so much. I've just wanted to see you again so bad. Tell me everything." He says and I nod and do exactly that.

****
I don't forgive him completely but seeing him like this makes it hard not to.

He laughs as we remember a fight Josh and I had when I was younger.

His laughter turns to coughing and then his machine starts beeping.

"Calm down, dad. You're alright." I say squeezing his hand.

Nurses rush in and I get dragged back by a nurse as thet start to resuscitate him. It was horrible. I barely heard what they were saying as I began to cry.

"Time of death. 20:17." My heart spilts. Dead. He's dead. No way. He was fine. He was literally just fine. He had a cough, how can someone die from a cough? People always cough. All the time.

My shaky hand covers my mouth as I look at my father lying lifeless.

"I'm sorry." They say as they head out. "Oh my God." I let out before rushing out of the hospital.

I get back in my Jeep and just drive. With no destination in mind. Just to drive. To clear my mind.

All I can think about is how much I want Alex. I really wish I had a phone or memorised his number, just so I can hear him right now.