Unloved - (Fem Reader X Bucky Barnes)

Chapter 53 - Dinner

The next morning I stand outside with the two men and we put together some padding on the trees and throw the shield back and forth. "Feels weird... Picking it up again." He throws the shield, I catch it in my arms and look up at him. "The legacy of that shield is complicated, to say the least."

I then throw it, Bucky catches it this time. "When Steve told me what he was planning, I don't think we understood what it felt like for a Black man to be handed the shield. How could we? I owe you an apology. I'm sorry." Bucky says.

"I'm sorry too." I nod. "You are not a little bitch."

"Thank you." Sam smiles.

"Whatever happened with Walker, it wasn't your fault. I get it. It's just, that shield's the closest thing I've got left to a family, so when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left. Made me question everything. You two, Steve, me. You know, I've got his, uh... I've got his book. And, uh... I just figured if it worked for him, then it'd work for me." Bucky sighs.

"I've been going to therapy again...but nothings helping. Nothing makes the pain go away. I miss Steve, I miss Nat...I miss my father." I sigh.

"I understand, guys. But Steve is gone." Sam sighs. "And this might be a surprise, but it doesn't matter what Steve thought. You both gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are. Let me ask you. You both still having those nightmares?"

"All the time. It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier's still in me." Bucky says.

"You up for a little tough love? You want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it."

"I've been making amends." Bucky nods.

"Nah. You weren't amending, you were avenging. You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier, because you thought it would bring you closure. You go to these people and say sorry, because you think it'll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to them and be of service. I'm sure there's at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, and you're the only one who can give it to 'em."

"Probably a dozen." Bucky nods.

"That's cool. Start with one." He then turns to me. "Your turn:"

"Every night I have nightmares. Seeing my father die....hearing Bucky say he doesn't want me. I keep seeing a nightmare I had back in 2015...one where Steve died. I just keep blaming myself. And these stupid pills aren't working."

"None of that was your fault. Especially your father dying. He sacrificed himself so that you and your sister could live. He was a hero." Sam nods.

"And I told you what I said was wrong. I was wrong. I was an idiot. And I'll never say that again, and I never have meant that." Bucky nods.

My lip starts to quiver, "It's just...my father and I never had the best relationship. And we finally fixed everything during the blip. I had my dad back...we were finally a family. Then it was ripped away." The two step in and put their arms around me.

"Give the medicine a couple more weeks...it'll kick in." Sam smiles. "And we both are here for you." He pauses and sighs. "I know for a fact your father loved you more than anything. He'd be so proud of you."

"I hope so." I reach up and grab my necklace as I smile. I then chuckle and wipe my tears, "Good talk."

We all laugh as we start to walk, "You know Karli won't quit."

"Ah. You call me when you have a lead, and I'll be there." Bucky says.

"Me too." I nod.

"Not necessarily as a team."