CHAPTER FOURTY

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CHAPTER 41

Feelings- (noun; emotion) Something that sucks to be real because it does nothing but make you feel worse.

"Jacob, I am sorry." I say into the phone.

"Kaitlyn?" He asks. "Can you explain at least."

"I'm sorry...I can't." I say.

"Meet me at the cafe in twelve." He says.

"But Jacob..." he already hung up by now.

I grab my keys, not even caring that I look like crap. If you aren't happy then why even care? I haven't been eating much, or taking care of myself much. I now know why they call it a heartbreak. My heart actually hurts.

The cafe he is talking about is downtown. It has bright blue doors and a yellow inside. Jacob has brought me here once before. This is also the cafe where we figured out about Lexi. I like this place though. Everyone is so nice!

"Kaitlyn..." Jacob says when I walk through the door.

He looks like crap too. He threw on sweatpants and a sweaty shirt. He looks tired, but not too tired. I probably look worse. He also looks kind of scared. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.

"Here." He says, guiding me to a table.

I sit down and order a water, while he orders a Coke. Neither of us order food. We are both too sad to eat. I don't know, I just can't right now. I don't know what to tell him. I want to just throw myself back at him and beg his forgiveness....but I can't.

We stare at each other awkwardly and he keeps opening and closing his mouth as if he wants to say something. He can't seem to find the words. I just stare at him, and when he meets my eyes, I look towards the ground.

"Can you at least explain?" He finally says.

"Explain what?" I ask.

"Why you broke up with me? I just doesn't make sense, Kaitlyn." He says.

"I killed...." tears start to fall now. "I killed Lexi."

"WHAT?! Who told you that?" He demands.

"Someone who was right." I say.

"My mom." he says.

"What?" I ask.

"I heard her blame you before...for my father. She did this didn't she?" He asks.

"Yes." I say, looking at the ground.

"Babe, you can't let people manipulate you like that. Let's go talk to her and explain how we aren't breaking up.." He says.

"Jacob, I did. I killed her. She was supposed to be with you and I was in the way because I'm selfish and I'm..." The tears keep strolling.

"She wasn't supposed to be with me. I was supposed to pick her up...but she was supposed to call me. She decided to let me be. Which means she chose to take the cab. She also got hit by the driver. He was the reason she died...not you." He says.

He walks over to my side of the booth and holds me in his arms. I cry and he stays silent, holding me. The people around us either look terrified or lovesick. I kind of awkwardly walk out with Jacob.

"I'm tired of all the drama." He mumbles.

"Me too." I agree.

We get in his car and turn on the old radio station that all Tue kids our age listen to. The newest song comes on, and Jacob mutters a few words as if he knows the song but it's obvious he doesn't.

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