You're dead to me

Chapter forty-eight: Cuts

I fold the letter together and stare ahead, the house lays silently in the mid afternoon sun. My heart feels like it weights a ton and my lungs squeeze every time I think of his black eyes.

I miss you Giovanni, I miss you so bad.

I climb out of my safe place, at this point I don't know what do to with myself. I can't leave, I can't call my husband, shit, I cannot even cook my own food here. I pass the living room and rub absently my ring finger, only that it's without a ring now. I sigh and wish I hadn't thrown it away. Now I just feel even worse.

Nibbling on my lower lip, I claim the stairs and vanish in a different room, clearly avoiding my actual guest room, where the bad things happened. I try with everything that I have, to avoid Eden. For once, the size of this mansion does his own good.

I shut the door and head for the bed straight ahead. I need some extra sleep, to stop thinking.

Sleeping is like dying without to die, that's why I am so addicted to it, I need to break free from the world.

***

A knock wakes me up and I slowly raise my head. It's completely dark outside.

"Madam, are you in here?". A maid probably. Just when I think about not answering her, the door opens.

"Finally, I've searched you for thirty minutes". I prop up on my ass and cross my arms, I am way too sleep drunk to play nice. "What is it that you have to rob those hours of sleep of mine?". She apologize and informs me about a dinner in twenty five minutes.

"Mr. De'Bardi told me that you have to get dresses, before he will have an outburst himself". I lazily roll my eyes and nod. "I will get ready in a bit, please bring me one of my dresses, you pick". She bows quickly (for what reason whatsoever).

***

The chair gets offered by one of the men in a suit. I thank him and adjust my seating position. Eden's smirking face sits across of my seat.

I clench my teeth and reach out for my fork. Mr. De'Bardi watches me eating my plate accurately. For some reason I feel the energy shift in the air and something weird crosses Francesco's features. He gazes at me the whole entire time. I swallow the lump in my throat away and hold conversation with Mrs. De'Bardi.

Suddenly Francesco raises his glass and calls out a cheers. His eyes fix mine and he observes me raising the wineglass to my lips. "To sweet nightmare, Caroline". He murmurs, while the wine hits my dry tongue and travels down to my stomach. Suddenly I feel weird, not the kind of drunk, but indeed something in between. My head hurts and everything fades into a blur.

Maybe I am hallucinating, but for some reason everyone stares at me with big eyes and cruel smiles, or maybe it's only family De'Bardi. I hear myself giggle and frown at the same time. How can I say something, while I feel to be grabbed inside of my head, like I am actually seeing everything through my eyes?

What the actual fuck?

Murmurs flow in the room and then someone leads me out of the eating room, gently rubbing my hand and whispering sweet promises in my ear.

"Not you being unlucky". A voice adds and then I feel the sky falling down, smashing the furnitures in front of me and fog appears around us, stairs break open, wind catches my skin and then wetness, coldness and brrrr...

I feel wood, I feel blood struggling flowing through my veins, eyes blacking out and knifes sharpening on a stone near me. Am I dreaming or did something cold just hit my chest?

I feel like I'm about to vomit all over the floor, wait, is this even a floor, or am I sitting on clouds?

Does someone help me now to reach the bathroom?

Blood, I taste blood...blood...and...Fuck!

I am being cut.