🏳️‍🌈💖(STRAY KIDS) Felix - Secret

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Felix was sweating buckets and his hands were shaking. He had no idea why he convinced himself that today was the day he'd tell his members his secret that he'd been hiding.

He paced back and forth gnawing on his thumbnail as he contemplated going out to see the rest of the members.

"Lix! Come eat!"
Chans voice snapped him out his thoughts as he took a breath and left his room to join the members for dinner.

"There you are lix, I swear you've been in your room all day." Chan said as he made Felix's playe and handed it to him.

"Sorry hyung I was doing something...I must've lost track of time."

"Aw hey thats alright, just missed seeing you today that's all." Chan smiled playfully punching Felix's arm.

Felix smiled and sat down feeling too nervous to actually eat.

By the end of the meal Felix had Barely touched his food and had gone completely quiet.

"Hey lix?" Hyunjin asked as he nudged Felix's arm.

"Huh? What? Sorry what did you say?"

"I asked if you were alright, you seem...spaced out."

"Oh..oh yeah um...I'm okay just a bit tired."

Felix really wanted to tell them but he chickened out once again. He couldn't handle it if they rejected him. If they called him names, if they looked at him In disgust. He couldn't bare the thought of losing his members.

He swallowed thickly and stood up.

"All finished lix?" You've barely touched your dinner." Chan asked.

"Yeah...I'm sorry hyung I just...I'm not very hungry."

"Alright lix, are you feeling okay? You seem a little jittery. "

"Yeah. Yeah. I just um...I'm gonna go get some fresh air." Felix said fingers suffocated in the room with all the members looking at him concerned.

"Okay lix, don't be long it's supposed to get cold tonight and the sun goes down earlier these days."

"Got it hyung, I'll be back soon."

Felix rushed to the door and threw on his shoes completely forgetting his coat and leaving the dorm.
He got outside and took in a deep breath of the cool air, the wind blowing just slightly.

He walked down the street until he spotted a park. He slowly walked over to a bench and sat there, his hands starting to get cold.

"Aish Felix what are you doing? What were you thinking? Tell them? Are you crazy? Think about their reactions...think about how awful it will be when they kick you out of the group...again."

"Losing Chris after all he's done for you. Dissapointing him after all his hard work? You can't be that selfish... "

"They're all gonna end up hating you if you tell. They'll never speak to you, they'll think you're a freak. JYP will fire you on the spot and send you back to Australia."

Felix's thoughts raced through his head, tears brimming his eyes as he sat in the chilly park.

"I...I can't lose them...I don't want them to hate me..." he sobbed into his hands as he curled up on the bench the sun beginning to set.

He just cried for a bit his fear and anxiety taking over his body as he told himself all the bad things that could happen if he told.

Before he knew it, it was dark and way colder than before. He rose off the bench and looked around at the dark streets, he could see his breath in the cold air and realized how numb his hands felt. He wrapped his arms around himself and began his walk back to the dorms knowing Bang chan was going to scold him for being so late.

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