The Chosen One

Chapter 17 - Consent

"How could she do this to me? How could she do this to me? How could she do this to me?"
That was the only thought that was going on in his mind round and round from the moment Sivaangi left.

He sat down on the sofa looking around with a brain freeze, unable to think of anything else.

It felt like someone had inserted a hand inside his chest cavity, crushing his heart slowly and painfully, making him suffer every single minute.

As if that wasn't enough his brain started rewinding that day's event.

The way he looked at Mika when she opened the door, the way she called her Ashwineyy in the same tone as Sivaangi.

"How could she let someone else call me Ashwineyy like that? Isn't that something unique to her? Would she be happy if I had called Sivaathmika as Aathmika Ma? How could she share something so personal that easily?"

The next second his mind went to the way he pulled her and hugged her making his bile raise from his stomach to his throat.

He looked at his hands. When he pulled her closer and hugged her from behind his hands were definitely not on her waist but above making him want to break his hand now. He punched the glass coffee table so hard that it cracked and his hand started bleeding.

How uncomfortable Mika would have felt that she had to rush to the rest room, his eyes started welling up with the mere thought of  it.

"Naan appadi patta aala Sivaangi Ma? Enna poi ippadi.. ?" tears  started flowing down his eyes, competing with the blood in his hand

When Ashwin and Sivaangi are together it is his favorite pass time to admire her secretly when she is busy or not looking.

It started with admiring her antics, her come backs, spontaneity and slowly progressed to physical admiration which started with her face and then progressed as the physical intimacy level between them increased.

Even that day when Mika was busy helping him to cook and mix the flour for muffin, he was admiring her secretly, his eyes scanning her body thinking her as Sivaangi, reminding him of his birthday,  making him imagine things that any normal love smitten fiancée would do.

But now realizing that it was not Sivaangi, and he had imagined all those things looking at Sivaathmika's body, he felt like a pervert and that thought made him hate himself.

And then to top it all, the kiss, it was not Mika who initiated it but it was him, and he didn't just initiate it but enjoyed it, got lost in it as always, until Mika pulled herself away from him and that is when he realized his mistake.

He felt like even now he could feel her tongue in his mouth and his inside hers, making something twist in his stomach badly. He immediately rushed to the restroom and started vomiting into his closet.

He got up, cleaned his tongue and brushed his teeth until his gum bled, came out  feeling devastated.

He came back and sat on his sofa.

Ashwin is a hardcore introvert with extreme trust issues, even though genetics could be attributed to the former, the latter part was introduced by his loved ones starting from his parents. 

The struggles, betrayals, back biting(s), trash talking(s), abandonments he faced in the industry and within his family, solidified his already rocky introvert heart so much that he had built a bomb shelter around it, not wanting to let any one in ever again. After all when your own mother can hurt you so much, why won't others.

But one little chirpy bird came and broke it down completely brick by brick, making him love himself again, making him trust others, showed him the goodness in people, made him connect with them. She became the guidance compass who brought him out of his darkness and showed him the beauty of the world, replacing the bomb shelter with a flowery garden.