American Boy ✔️

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten: Please

I thought that once you become a high school student, you automatically become mature, a whole different person, not a kid but a person, an adult.

I just wish that I would still be me, but more mature. Someone who uses their brain instead of their heart, who uses their mind over their feelings, over their emotions.

Masyado pa akong bata para isipin yung nararamdaman ko. It's just too young for me to think about how am I going to process these feelings for Alexander.

I mean yes, we are still friends, close friends like what he said. Pero iba kapag alam niya na ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. He rejected me months ago bago matapos yung sophomore year na'min.

He didn't say that he doesn't like me, but I just knew he rejected me when he told me not to fall for him.

Ibig sabihin niya na 'wag akong mahulog sa kanya, he doesn't want me to fall for him.

But... what am I going to do if I have already fallen for him?

Nakakatawa lang dahil ang bata ko pa pero ganito ang nasa isip ko, it's like when I finally confessed to him and he rejected me that's when I realized something.

I'm conscious, more conscious of my feelings, my thoughts, and my emotions whenever he's around me.

"Kanina ka pa, Rina. Sinasabi ko sa'yo ako mismo ang kakain niyang fudgee barr mo." tawa na sabi sa'kin ni Genevieve sa tabi ko na nilalamon yung isa pang fudgee bar na binili ko para sa kanya.

I took a bite of my own fudgee barr with a bitter expression on my face. Inalis ko ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa na kanina pa nagtatawanan sa may hallway malapit sa classroom na'min.

Huminga ako nang malalim sabay lagok sa fudgee barr sa inis.

Shit. At this point hindi ako makakabawas nang timbang dahil sa puro kain ko nang fudgee barr, nakakainis at nakakabwisit.

"Damn, I was just joking Rina... hindi ko naman kakainin yan, tama na..." bulong niya sa'kin.

"Alam ko, gutom lang ako..." I spoke and wiped the crumbs around my lips.

Gutom o inis, ano ba talaga?

Junior year, I was going to confess to him either junior or senior year sa high school.

But I did it months ago and I got rejected.

Yung init na naramdaman ko sa katawan niya, yung mata niya sa'kin at pati na rin yung sinabi niya. He said those words with his voice shaking, how strange.

Hindi ko maintindihan, nahihirapan ba siyang sabihin sa'kin yun dahil kaibigan niya 'ko at ayaw niya 'kong masaktan?

Oh well, nasaktan pa rin ako. Did I cry? A little bit, I couldn't cry at my house because I didn't want my mom to know that I got rejected.

"Ang payat mo, Rina. 'Di mo na kailangang mag-diet, I'm sure na hindi ka kumain nung summer break..."

"Kumain naman ako... just... I avoided chips and chocolate. Wala lang talaga akong ganang kumain nang Nova o Piattos." sagot ko.

"Hm... kaya pala pumayat ka nanaman."

"I promise, 'di na 'ko nag-didiet. Nakakapagod nang mag-diet tsaka ikaw na nga ang nasabi na bata ko pa para sa mga ganong bagay, I'm eating healthy and well now. No need to worry about me..." I smiled at her.