American Boy ✔️

Chapter Forty Seven

Chapter Forty Seven: Red Wine

I woke up as early as I could this morning. I brushed my teeth, took a shower and did some light makeup, and picked up some clothes for today.

Wala naman akong trabaho ngayong araw, wala rin ako sa mood na magsulat kaya napagisipan ko na lang to take a day off today.

I've been working myself hard for days now and I know that it's not really because I am busy... but because of him.

"Rina..."

And he's here again, right in front of my door with a bouquet of red roses, he's not even wearing a suit anymore, just a hoodie and some pants with messy hair.

Wala ba siyang trabaho?

He's been doing this for days now, ever since that day when I told him about his mistake before.

Sinubukan niyang iexplain ang sarili niya pero alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi pa 'ko handang pakinggan siya. Not when I still think about that day and how I feel... frustrated.

'Di ko nga maintindihan kung ano ba talaga 'tong nararamdaman pero alam ko na masakit, sobrang sakit.

'Di ko na maalis sa isip ko yo'n.

"Please... I... I miss you..."

Huminga ako ng malalim at sinarado ang pinto ng apartment ko.

"Stop this, Alexander... please..." I said with an unwavering tone.

"Busy ka pa rin ba?" tanong niya ulet, para bang ayaw niya 'kong umalis.

"I have things to do, sabi ko nga 'di ba na sa susunod na lang?"

I passed by him but right when I was just about to press the button for the elevator when I heard his voice once again.

"Kailan?"

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya.

"I don't know." sagot ko.

'Di ko na siya tiningnan pa, baka ano pang masabi ko o... magawa ko.

Of course, I miss him.

I fucking love him but until I'm alright with this whole thing, then... I don't know, really.

Naguguluhan ako. 'Di ko alam. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit pero ang sakit talaga, parang kahit anong dahilan 'di pa rin ako magiging okay.

I've thought about it. The countless reasons that might be why he kissed that woman but it still didn't make sense to me.

And all I get in the end is pain. 'Di na 'ko naiiyak pero minsan gusto kong manampal.

I end up binge eating just to forget it. Forget what happened that day, I used to do that but now I don't.

"I'll wait, Rina..." rinig ko sa kanya nang pumasok ako sa loob ng elevator.

"...I'll always wait..."

Great. Now, why does it feel like I regret my decision?

Ano naman ngayon kung ganon yung itsura niya? O maghihintay siya sa'kin?

I already made my decision. Kakausapin ko naman din siya ulet pero 'di lang muna siguro ngayon.

I need to move on.

Ang tagal na ni'to pero hanggang ngayon talaga apektado pa rin ako. If I want to move forward with Alexander, then I have to do something for us.