American Boy ✔️

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen: Shit

I love talking to my friends and especially to my mom. I don't think I'm talkative but I just like to express my opinion and give advice.

Maganda rin sa'kin na confidence ako sa pagsasalita sa harap ng buong klase o harap ng buong school.

My confidence began to grow in the freshman of high school and it really helped the Rina now.

Pero there will always be limits when it comes to these kinds of things.

Yes, I can talk about stuff and my opinions and it helps me gain more friends but there is a limit for me.

Mahirap sa'kin na mag-open up sa buhay ko o yung nakaraan ko. So far, si Genevieve pa lang ang nakausap ko tungkol sa nararamdaman ko, sa emosyon ko at sa nakaraan ko.

Kahit yung buhay ko noong puro away ang mga magulang ko.

I was used to living with my mother.

She worked hard for me and for everything but mostly for me, naramdaman ko talaga na mahal niya 'ko at wala na 'kong hihingin pa sa kanya.

And then I met him.

I met my father again.

I heard so many stories about my biological father, so many.

Galing kay Lola o kanila tito o tita.

Mom and dad were perfect for each other, they truly loved each other's companies, and just... it was perfect. Sabi ni lola sa simula pa lang ay parang 'di nila maalis sa isa't-isa ang ngiti at tuwa sa tuwing magkasama silang dalawa.

But that's it.

No one knew what happened after. Walang nakakaalam kung paano napunta sa hiwalayan, sa sakit, at sa walong taon na taguan ng nanay ko mula sa totoo 'kong tatay.

I could still remember the first time I met him again, and all I could think about was that he is entirely the male version of myself.

He was gorgeous.

But of course, not all gorgeous things are good things.

Hindi ko inaakalang makikita ko yun sa harap ko, lahat lahat ng narinig ko nung araw na yun ang nagbigay sa'kin nang dahilan para 'di ko na siya makita pa.

I don't hate him, I don't hate my mom, but I just hated them when they're together.

And this is what's happening right now.

"Baliw. Nababaliw ka na talaga!" sigaw ni mommy.

"Baliw? Ikaw ang nababaliw! You know what, you've always been crazy!"

"Talaga ba? Ini-English mo pa 'ko."

"Baliw ka para hindi ako ipasok sa buhay ng anak ko, sa buhay ni Katerina. Sarili 'kong anak yan, kinailangan ako nang anak ko!"

I never really looked for him.

I wondered what he looked like sometimes but at the end, I wished I just never did.

Nakaupo ako sa may hagdanan habang nakikinig sa kanilang dalawa na nag-aaway.

"Hindi ka niya kailangan at sisisihin mo pa talaga ako na hindi kita pinasok sa buhay niya samantalang busy na busy ka sa sarili mong buhay doon. Bakit sa palagay mo hindi ko naisip na ipasok ka, ha?"