American Boy ✔️

Chapter Forty Six

Chapter Forty Six: The Problem Here

How do you know if something was right?

How do you know that it wouldn't turn out to be the same exact thing as before?

I remember. I remember everything that day.

It felt so terrible to me dahil ang sakit talaga, kahit sino naman masasaktan kapag nakita nila yung taong mahal nila na may kahalikang iba.

Pero okay na 'ko. I'm supposed to be okay, nakamove on na nga ako 'di ba?

Okay na ko, it's all in the past and it's all different now.

I kept telling myself pero nabwisit talaga ako sa babaeng yo'n. Talagang naging modelo pa siya at nakatrabaho ko pa?

I don't have an issue with her decision in to becoming a model but fuck did I really had to work with her?

She was still annoying kahit na sinabihan ko na siya, 'di ko na lang siya kinausap, si Alethea naman umupo sa tabi ko kasi mukha raw akong sasabog dahil sa babaeng yo'n, bwiset.

I left immediately after the shoot. I can't. I tried to be professional and I really did, I was successful, pero naiinis din ako sa sarili ko, baka nainis yung babaeng yo'n, pakialam ko, bahala na nga!

"Pang-ilang manok mo na yan?" tanong ni Genevieve sa tabi ko habang kinakain yung burger niya.

And here I am, eating, again.

This is probably my 5th chicken and I'm not complaining, it's fucking good.

Ininom ko rin yung diet Coke ko, hindi na nga rin ako nagkakanin, puro protein ako today kahit na gustong gusto kong kumain ng kanin.

"What happened, really?" tanong niya ulet at ginilid yung manok ko sa may tabi niya at tsaka siya humarap sa'kin.

Do I still look upset and just frustrated? Probably.

"Pagod lang ako." sagot ko agad.

"Weh, 'di nga? Ano nga kasi problema mo, huy."

Yun nga eh. 'Di ko alam kung problema talaga 'to o talagang binibigyan ko lang ang sarili ko ng problema kahit 'di naman talaga siya problema.

It's in the past, just the past, right?

"I am okay. I am."

"Affirmations lang?" tawa niyang sabi.

Yes, this is an affirmation because I am alright. I am okay. I am just... alright, really.

"How..." simula ko sabay hinga ng malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili ko, baka ano pang mabanggit ko tungkol sa nakaraan.

"...do you... forget... about... the past?" tanong ko at tsaka ko ininom yung diet Coke ulet.

Parang ang seryoso tuloy ng tanong ko, kahit si Genevieve naguluhan sa sinabi ko.

Parang 'di siya makapaniwala sa tinanong ko o sa lumabas sa bibig ko.

"Uhm..."

"Forget it." I sighed.

Parang kailangan ko ng isa pang bote ng diet Coke tangina naman 'to.

"Well... you don't." bulong ni Genevieve, napatingin ako sa kanya agad pagkatapos.

"You don't forget about the past. I don't forget about mine, I tried to forget about it again and again but I realized na wala akong magagawa para talaga makalimutan yo'n. I have to live it, we have to live with it." dagdag niya habang nakangiti sa'kin.