DOLLHOUSE

37. Funeral

Bella's POV 

"Mat you have to fix your tie. You look like an idiot!" He rolled his eyes at me 

"Bella we don't get that long to facetime i'd like it if you didn't spend the whole time insulting me."

"Sorry it's just that if today's my funeral i'd like you to look nice." he chuckled "Are you going to cry?" I said jokingly 

"I did. Ale told me not to cry at the funeral though." I frowned. 

Growing up in the De Luca household mental health wasn't a priority. My parents were abusive alcoholics. Ale had this obsessive need to do everything right for our dad it almost killed him. My mother placed this ideal in my head that I needed to have perfect looks, and that if I did anything that would offset men it wouldn't go unpunished. 

Matteo is a kid. He's not just my little brother, but he's my responsibility. He still had time to reach out and get help for whatever my parents put on him. I don't want him to stop eating, or beating himself up if he makes one mistake. 

"Mat." he hummed "It's okay to not be okay."

"It's a stupid reason to not be okay. You're alive." he shrugged. 

"Exactly. I'm alive. I'm here for you when you're not okay." his lip quivered 

"I'm okay." I just smiled at him 

"Put Ale on" he finished re-doing his tie like I knew he would, and handed Ale the phone. Ale walked away from Mat. "Would he hate us if we made him do therapy?"

"Yes. I don't know what else to do though."

"He needs to want help."

"But we can't let whatever's going on with him get worse." he put the phone down in the kitchen, and opened the fridge "Suggestions?"

"No. I guess just be there for him since I can't. If things go overboard though I'm coming home."

Ale shut the fridge, and  had a bowl of grapes in his hand "Nope. You're my responsibility as well. You're staying at the safe house. I've got things under control." He swallowed a grape "Come on Mat we're leaving!" he yelled. I saw Mat slowly drag his feet into the kitchen. 

"Have fun at my funeral! I love you guys."

"We love you too!" they say at the same time. Ale waved then hangs up on me. 

I throw my phone to the side, and leave to go to the kitchen. "Hey Amelia!" 

Both Gray and Sam are attending my fake funeral. I'm home alone with Amelia. I like her a lot. We have a lot in common, and we like to sing and dance to the same music, but she's hard have whole conversations with. I just want normal twenty year old girl type of conversations. 

"Hi Bella" she said kindly 

"Want to do something today? Ironically i'm feeling very lively. Call me Blake i'm so Lively."

"I don't get it." I chuckled. Reminds me of Enzo 

"Nevermind"

"We can go shopping today if you want?" I nodded excitedly

...

Enzo's POV 

I fiddled with Bella's necklace as the room filled with people she didn't even know. The room was filled with red and black decor. Allison, Sam, and Gray were together in the front row closest to her closed casket. We needed weight so we put sand bags in there. 

Bella's mom was by the open bar I promised Bella we would have. She said if people are going to morn her they might as well be drunk. Ale, Mat, and I were at the door greeting people. It's obvious most people are here for me. Bella's dad has still yet to have a funeral -it's next week-  so people figured I put this one together rather than her family. 

My hands clenched harder around the necklace as I hear more and more people tell me how wonderful she was, and they never even met her. All of these cousins and not a single one can tell me why she loves red so much. Her real family is seated in the front row. 

As a man named Brody tells me that things will get better quickly, and I can find a new girl I roll my eyes, and walk away. I didn't need to hear him. I don't need a new girl I still have Bella. I walk to the bar, and ask for three shots of bourbon. All for myself of course. 

"Hey." Gray says

"Hi."

"So Bella's going out with Amelia." the corners of my lips threaten too curl up, but I don't allow any emotion today. I won't allow any emotions for awhile

"That's good. Do you think she's thinking of me?"

"Of course she is Enzo. I can tell you one thing for sure she's thinking of you in many ways." I raise an eyebrow

"How do you know?"

"I got to sit in on girl talk with her and Allison. She kicked me out after like an hour, and I wasn't very happy about that so I ease dropped. It sounded like she was writing a fucking fan fiction about you." I smirked. 

My girls thinking about me. Probably on my knees in front of her. With my mouth on her. "Dude don't be thinking about it at her funeral." Gray made a disgusted face, and walked away with one of my shots.

"I'm going to be one horny son of a bitch these next few months." I whispered to myself. I took a shot and reminded myself where I was.

...

I looked down at the ground we just filled with dirt. Everyone left to go back inside. There's nothing down there, but if feels like i've buried everything.  A part of me went down there. A part of Bella. A part of our relationship. 

I was once the man everyone feared. I didn't give two fucks and people thought I didn't even know what the words emotion meant. I was at the top of the food chain. When I met Bella she showed me it was okay to laugh, and to cry, and to love. 

I lost Bella for the time being because of it. My old self was hated, but it kept people safe. I'll lose my friends, but I need to be the real me again. I'll probably lose them because the real me was convinced I didn't have any friends. 

I looked around for a moment. No one's here but all eyes are on me now. "I'll fight for you baby." I wiped the last tear I was allowing myself to let go of. I turned around, and her brothers were there. "Jesus fuck. You weren't there literally two seconds ago."

"We came to check on you. She asked us not to leave your side often." Matteo said 

"Maybe I should start training again. You guys really snuck up on me." Ale chuckled at my slight insult to myself

"Okay you seem fine i'm leaving." Mat rolled his eyes, and walked away. Before he left he looked at the pile of dirt where Bella could have actually ended up, and he took a deep breath. 

Ale stayed back "I was wrong about you." he said, and I looked at him confused "We know you didn't want for this to happen, but you let it. I know better than Matteo that you love Bella. You really would haven given your life for her that night. You'd do it again now. You didn't pull a classic mafia move and use today to make business deals. She's not really dead and you still care. You wanted today to be about her."

"It is about her."

"All eyes were on you though." he took a deep breath "Clean slate Enzo. You forgive me for all the times I was an ass, and that time I let Bella get hurt, and I'll forgive you for this. We can be civil."

"What about Matteo?"

"Just be glad i'm willing to become friends"

I nodded "Clean slate Ale." he held out his hand for me to shake, and then returned back to everyone else. 

I took a deep breath, tucked the necklace back, and walked to my car. I didn't want to be here.