Love and Loss

22. Peace

5:55 pm
Los Angeles, CA
Deija

"Would you like some water sweetheart?" The caramel-skinned nurse asked as she finished scribbling some notes on her clipboard.

I had only awoken about 30 minutes ago and in that time my doctor and nurses had completely filled me in on what had happened and how I ended up here.

I was in disbelief.

But I couldn't decide if it was the fact that I'd OD'd and almost killed myself that I couldn't believe or if it was the fact that I actually woke back up. That they saved me.

But I couldn't dwell on that for too long.

"I'm okay." I smiled slightly. "You said someone was here waiting for me?"

"Yeah you have lots of friends waiting for you." She slid the pen through the metal part of the clip board before walking closer to me. She smiled, placing her hand on my forearm. "They really care about you. They haven't left since they got here last night."

"They?"

"Deija boo."

My head snapped to the door of the room where Tiana and Bella stood, tears in both of their eyes.  The second my eyes landed on theirs, the water works began.

Tears flooded my face and both of them ran towards me, engulfing me with hugs on either side.

"I'm sorry." I cried, in their arms.

"No, don't do that." Tiana said, shaking her head as she swiped a few tears from her own face. "You don't owe anyone an apology."

"I do. I've been lying to you guys for a month and now this." I raised my arms slightly before dropping them. "I never wanted to hurt you guys."

"You didn't." Bella spoke up, giving me a reassuring smile despite the puffiness of her own eyes. "You're okay and that's all that matters to us Deij. Nothing else."

"This wasn't your fault." Tiana looked deep into my eyes, the look in her own confirming something that deep down I already knew.

"You know."

It wasn't a question.

I could tell by the way they both looked at me with pity and guilt, that they knew the exact reason I had been here for a month. They knew about Derek.

"Deij-"

"I was going to tell you guys." I spoke up before they could say anything. "I was. I decided last night that I was."

"Why couldn't you tell us before?" Bella asked. "You know I would've hopped on a flight from Dubai in a heartbeat."

I chuckled dryly, "I know you would've. That's part of the reason I couldn't tell you." I shook my head. "I didn't want you all to stop your lives because of my mistakes."

"Deija you're a big part of our lives-"

"I know, but I just-" I broke off, trying to conjure up the right words to say. "It's my fault that I was in that position in the first place. I should've left or called the police or, I don't know, done something! But I didn't. I just let him hurt me and I didn't want you all thinking I was weak or pity me because of it."

"We would never think that, Deij."

I was silent for a moment. Simply reminiscing to my life before anyone knew.

"For the longest time the only good thing about my life was you guys. Y'all were my escape, my vacation from hell." I sniffled, looking between the two beautiful girls I was so glad I could call my sisters. "It was the only thing keeping me alive. The only thing." I shook my head vehemently, watching as both of their faces faltered just a little. "I couldn't lose that."