Love and Loss

10. The Infamous Deija

6:07 pm
Los Angeles, CA
Deija

Don't you say you love love love me
Just to make you even
Know it's hard to trust trust trust me
and that's another reason this ain't love

"Understand my grind, ain't that what you want?" Tiana and Bella sung in unison as Giveon's, This ain't Love floated through the car. "Put it on her plate, like it's a resturaunt—Deija what's wrong with you?"

"Huh?" My head snapped to Tiana, her eyebrow raised curiously. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"Yeah cause you were too busy staring at the window shield." She chuckled. "You good? You not singing to Giveon. You always sing to Giveon."

"Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded.

"She lying!" Bella peeped from the backseat. I looked at Bella briefly over my shoulder, rolling my eyes. "That bitch is nervous as fuck."

"I am not." I defended, before looking over at Tiana. "You got any water in here?"

"Look in the side compartment, Aiden's messy ass probably left one in there."

Sure enough, there was an unopened bottle of Fuji water in the side compartment. I grabbed the small aspirin bottle out of my purse, pouring out a little white pill and quickly swallowing it with some water.

"And now this bitch poppin' pills!" Bella exclaimed. "You nervous nervous huh?"

"I have a headache." I shook my head.

Even though I was shooting down Bella's thoughts she was 100% right. I didn't have a headache I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack.

My heart was racing, my stomach was flipping, and my hands were so clammy I was constantly wiping them on my skinny jeans. I was never this type of person. I didn't get nervous. But as of lately that's all I was, and the only thing that made it better was the little white pill in my aspirin bottle.

"Leave her alone, Bella. It's okay for her to be nervous." Tiana said, as she turned left at the stop light. "You know it's okay for you to be nervous right?" Tiana looked at me with a concerned expression.

I nodded, "Doesn't make me feel better though."

"I know."

"Don't sweat it, Deij. Everything will be fine. You said he forgave you right?" Bella asked. I nodded. "Then you have nothing to worry about. All you can do is move forward and you can't do that if you're too scared to even have say hi to him."

Today, the whole gang was going to this place in LA called Bowlero. It supposed to be a bowling alley but it has a bunch of other fun amenities like laser tag, mini golf, and a bunch of arcade games.

I was only in town for a couple more days so everyone wanted to make the most of it, especially now that Cameron and I had supposedly made up.

But that didn't stop me from being nervous out of my mind. Yes, technically Cameron forgave me. I mean his exact words were, 'I forgive you', but what if he was just saying it? I mean I was crying uncontrollably in his arms about our dead child. Maybe he felt like he couldn't say he didn't.

Oh god, did I force him into forgiving me? I thought. What kind of manipulative bitch forces someone to forgive them?

"Deija." Tiana said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Stop worrying. Everything will be fine, you'll see."

"100 bucks Cam stale faces her when we get in there." Bella said.

As we stopped at a red light both Tiana and I turned in our seats, looking back at Bella with incredulous looks.