Love and Loss

29. Niggas & Hellcats

6:23 pm
Los Angeles, CA
Deija

"Wait, so you just stood there?"

Tiana busted out into laughter as I recalled to her the awkward situation between Cam and I earlier when I dropped him off at the airport, which involved him saying three specific words to me and me just looking at him like I was stupid in response.

"Yes! I was just looking at him like a fucking bozo!" I exclaimed, which made her laugh even harder. "This shit is not funny."

"Yes it is!" Tiana broke out into more laughter, practically falling off the damn couch. "Oh shit." She sobered up, wiping a few tears from under her eyes dramatically. "That was fuckin' hilarious."

"How so?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Cause that's totally some shit you would do." She started laughing again.

"Tiana!" I hit her arm. "I'm dead ass freaking out right now. I don't know what to do!"

"Okay, okay." She sobered again, fanning her eyes dramatically as she gave me her full attention.

"What are you freaking out about?"

"What he's thinking right now. If he hates me. What if he decides he doesn't want to do this with me anymore?" I said, hurriedly.

"Okay, chill out." Tiana looked at me pointedly. "That man does not hate you." She sat back into the couch, a slow smirk rising across her lips. "He loves you."

"Tee!" I hit her arm, joining in on her laughter this time. Sitting back into the couch as well, crossing my legs, I couldn't help the smile the spread across my face. "He does love me huh?"

"He sho said so. But he didn't even have to tell you for you to know."

"He didn't." I shook my head. As much as the words meant to me, she was right, I always knew he loved me. We wouldn't be in the position we were right now if he didn't. But it's something about hearing him say those words that just hits different. "Damn, I'm so mad I didn't say it back." I shook my head.

"Why didn't you?" Tiana raised a brow. "I mean we both know what's up."

I shrugged, "I don't know, it was weird. I've never had an issue talking to Cam, but it was like in that moment I was just stuck."

"You think it's too much at once?" She asked, worriedly. "Like, do you think y'all are moving too fast?"

I took a moment to think about it, genuinely. Where we moving to fast? Was that why I hesitated?

"Not at all." I shook my head, coming to a decision. "I mean yeah we definitely jumped a step by living together and all but we haven't even had full on sex yet, for reasons, but it hasn't changed anything. Like we're still us."

"And I just feel my safest and most comfortable with him. I've always loved him, since we were kids but this feels like," I broke off struggling to find the words. "This feels like a new love."

"Well in a way you both are new people. Y'all aren't the same Deija and Cam from highschool, anymore. Y'all have been through shit." Tiana pointed out.

"A lot of shit." I nodded my head. "And somehow, that only makes me love him more."

Tiana smiled, looking at me almost as if she was about to cry.

"Tee, what?" I leaned up from the couch. "Why you doin' that?"

"I'm just really happy for you." She fanned her tearing eyes. "Like you seem so happy talking about him and you look so much happier. I know you aren't completely there yet and have so much more to go, but"